From Pizza to Power Cords….
The last story I did on here about a child being assaulted for simple defiance involved a slice of pizza. This one is not so silly – or harmless.
In Ntuzuma, South Africa, a man has been charged with murder in the death of his daughter. She reportedly had her tongue pierced, and her father requested that she remove the stud. When the sperm donor learned that she had been wearing the stud to school anyway, he asked why she didn’t obey him, and then used an unplugged electrical cord to beat her to death. I guess the last place she might wear her tongue stud will be to her own funeral. Way to go, Dad! You don’t want to know what part of the killer’s body I think should be pierced…..
After he beat her, he realized she wasn’t moving and took her to a clinic, where she was declared dead. The man later turned himself in to local police, and the crime is still being investigated.
I know we have some readers here from SA….can any of you shed some light on this? Is this some kind of cultural thing, or is this guy just like all the others here and in other places, who think that beating the kid is the best way to gain control? What kind of punishment will he likely receive? I hear the South African jails are pretty horrible places – I hope that’s true, in this case.
Thanks to my faithful friend April for this tip.
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November 5th, 2009 at 11:00 am
I am not an expert on cultures and neither is my husband but, he does do a lot of reading on different cultures. If I am wrong when I say this please correct me. I do not like to be ignorant.
In South Africa women are looked at like property. She was his property and he felt disrespected. Now that does not mean that he had any right to kill her. If he would have just beat her with the cord and not killed her it would, most likly, have been over looked.
There was a story a few years ago about a young women (19) in afghanistan who decided to leave her husabdn for mental, physical, and sexual abuse. Her mother suppoeted her. The young womans father had passed away when she was young and the mom had remarried and had 2 girls (3,7) and one boy(5) with her step-father. When the step-father found out that his step-daughter was getting a divorce he filpped out saying that she had disrespected him and his family. That night he woke up the mother, his son and 2 daughters and his step-daughter. He drug his step-daughter out into the living room where his wife and kids could see her and cut her throat. While his wife was holding their 2 girls and their son he grabbed the two young girls and cut their throats in front of his wife and son. When he went to court and the judge asked him why he did that he said “becasue she was a whore and I did not want my little girls to think it was ok to be a whore like their big sister”. The mother left him and is now in protective custody and hiding.
November 5th, 2009 at 1:41 pm
There are many places in our so-called civilized world where women are still considered property. Men often get away with murder by claiming that they were disrepected and had to act to regain their honor. My first husband used to say he wished we lived in one of those countries so he could kill me and get away with it. Afterall, having an opinion different than his was disrespect. Thankfully, we lived in the US where I was able to get a divorce and get away.
November 5th, 2009 at 4:30 pm
Okay, I’m a South Africa, so I’ll try to explain – and hopefully I won’t offend anyone in the process, it’s not a race issue, it’s really a cultural issue – unfortunately culture and color is often linked in SA, because the different races do things differently.
We are a civilized country and our women are definitely not seen as property and it’s absolutely NOT allowed by our government or laws. Unfortunately, in the rural areas, people care little about the law and more about their own culture and way of life… which is fine, as long as you don’t break the law. Women all have the same (and even more) rights than men.
That said, these people live in a small town, which also probably means they pay little attention to modern ‘ways of life’. Especially older people (specifically African (black)) still live like it’s 1819 in those parts.
It’s hard to know what this specific dad is like, but given what he did, he’s probably of the old-fashioned sort who believes a woman is lower than a man, and should obey men (and above all her father) in everything he says. He probably feels the same way about his sons… you obey your father or else feel his wrath. In some of our black cultures, men do still feel like they should be in charge and that women are there to serve them… part of the reason why we have high rape statistics is because this is changing, the women in those cultures are starting to find their own way – they’re learning that they have rights and are their own people – the men feel emasculated, and rape the women to get back the power/control.
I hope that helps some.
As for the sentence this man will get… it’s hard to say and it greatly depends on the judge. I’ve seen non-violent robbers get as much as 20 years, and rapists and murderers as little as 4. Once, I read about a father who repeatedly raped his 14 year old, get only 7 years (suspended) because he was only a danger to his own child. It’s really absurd. If the judge is fair though, this man can get life… and hopefully that’s what he’ll get.
Sorry for the long post. I hope I was articulate enough and that you understood what I was trying to say. It’s hard to describe South Africans, because we have such a varied populace and diverse cultures. People who don’t live here (or lived here) rarely understand our way of life. But rest assured that we’re civilized enough, and hate child abusers just as much as everyone else.
November 5th, 2009 at 4:33 pm
Thank you for the information, Elaine. It’s always nice to have a ‘local’ perspective to these stories.
November 6th, 2009 at 12:34 am
I’m an American who’s lived in South Africa for the last 7 years, and I have to agree with everything Elaine said. In this country, the majority of the employed happens to be women (usually as domestic workers), while their men sit on the side of the road, hoping for someone to give them a job for the day. The native women, and also the whites, still seem to feel the men are superior, and it makes me nuts, especially since I’ve worked in “male” professions all my life.
However, I can’t really see much difference, as American men like to feel the same way. And when you stop and think about it, you’ll understand what I mean.
As for the jails, we’ve had a discussion about this on another thread. They are some of the worst you could imagine. A stay at an American jail would seem like a spa compared to one of these. That’s why I’m especially trying to be a good girl, so I never have to step into one.
November 6th, 2009 at 12:36 am
You’re here!! Out of lurkitude for a minute! We need to post more SA stories.
November 6th, 2009 at 1:52 am
I used to send the stories to Trench, and will be happy to send more, if y’all are interested.
Question not my lurkitudiness. I just figured since I wasn’t physically in the States at the moment, perhaps I shouldn’t speak. You seem to say everything I feel anyway!
November 6th, 2009 at 4:06 am
Hi Southern Lady
Long time no speak. I just had to take a step back as I could no longer bear reading these stories. As some of you know I had a baby in June, so it hit way too close to home.
I have a BCom LLB degree and I think that this man, as sick as he is, will get a lenghty sentence. He handed himself in to the police, so it is safe to assume he will plead guilty to assault and his lawyer can argue that he was provoked. Hence he acted in anger and his act was not not premeditated.
Hi Eileen – where in SA do you stay? I thought me and SL was the only south-africans reading and posting here. Nice to “meet” you.
I agree with Eileen 100% and just want to add that some conservative afrikaans boere does and believes it is their right to “donder” respect into their children. But they are in the minority.
We do hate child abusers as much as the next person .
November 6th, 2009 at 3:23 pm
Hi Natashja. I live in Gauteng, more specifically the Vaal Triangle region, close to the vaal river…
I understand what it feels like reading these stories right after having a baby. The hormones settle after a while. I’m due to have my second in April, and I know I’ll disappear for a little while when he’s born.
November 6th, 2009 at 4:07 am
Meant to say he will NOT get a lenghty sentence for abovementioned reasons. I hope this guy will get what is coming to him regardless, bastard.
November 6th, 2009 at 4:45 am
Natashja!!
So wonderful to see you again. And how’s the baby? Girl or boy? Still have your senses about you? Getting any sleep? We understand.
Stick around, okay? I’ve been lurking again, but I’ll get back to it and send a few more horrible stories in, if Angel doesn’t mind.
November 6th, 2009 at 9:02 am
Southern Lady:
If I don’t mind? Of course I mind! I hate that there are any stories like this to write about at all! That said – send in as many as you like, and I will get to as many of them as I can. This is my way of helping the poor voiceless victims of abuse, by making sure that their abusers are called on the carpet for their actions. Without our readers (and tip-senders) Trench, Catbert and I would not be able to continue what we do.
My thanks to all who send in tips – even the ones we may not be able to get to……I appreciate you all!
November 6th, 2009 at 9:06 am
Natashja! I’ve missed you! How’s the baby? The last time I heard from you (if I remember correctly) you were about to go away for a few days for some R&R. I figured you had liked it so much at the coast, you just decided to become a beach bum, and forget us…lol
How was your ‘getaway’, and how are your sweet little ones?
November 6th, 2009 at 10:06 am
I had to comment on this one. From the description in this post, although you may want to classify it in the same category as those other honor killings, I don’t think this one qualifies for that. I think this one is just a plain old punishment gone too far. When disciplining a child, say a spanking etc., the biggest no no ever is to do it when you’re angry. You are supposed to make sure you have 100% control over your emotions, and a specific goal. Such as slapping a kids hand for stealing sort of thing. There’s a big difference between a beating, and discipline. By the sounds of it this guy was mad at being disobeyed, and then wanted to punish her for it, but because he was emotional, angry etc., at the time, he lost control and didn’t realize he had gone too far.
I mean, read back through all the stories on here. When do you see a guy bring the child in, completely admit what they had done, and turn themselves into the police? They don’t. Because they in their own sick fashion feel justified in what they had done. They don’t give a shit. Pardon my language. They deny it til the cows come home.
In this situation I believe the man was absolutely upset about it, and regretful.
Of course this shouldnt be used as an excuse in any way, and he should be punished just like anyone else for murder.
It just goes against the grain to lump this guy in with the others that have been posted about. It just doesn’t fit. It also shouldn’t be assigned to a “cultural” thing either. Its not. It was just a pure loss of control. It can and does happen everywhere.
And yes, I’ve been “disciplined” when I was younger in a controlled fashion. And yes there was ONCE when it was uncontrolled. Thats how I can understand and recognize the difference.
November 6th, 2009 at 10:39 am
It’s not a cultural thing, but the question was asked if it was down here in South Africa. I think we answered the question. There is certainly a difference in cultures, I can guarantee that as an American living on the mother continent, but abusing children is not part of it.
November 7th, 2009 at 7:33 pm
she died from being beaten with an electrical cord???? just how hard and how long would one have to beaten in that manner to cause death? did she go into cardiac arrest or something? my God, i can’t imagine what that girl went through before she died. as far as father goes…life in prison…he had to have beaten and beaten her…not a crime where there’s a sudden blow to the head with a blunt object causing the death…before he could regain control of himself….this was a long , drug out discipline. sickening.
November 9th, 2009 at 12:59 am
Hi Angel, SL & Eileen
Thanks for the welcome back! I also missed you Huns, but definitely not these stories. Aiden is doing great! He is adorable & almost 5 months old now. Time does fly. Yeah, Angel, wish I could park off at the coast, going there to Umhlanga on Thursday, without the kiddies, for a breather till Sunday. It keeps me sane
Oh shame Eileen, it must be so uncomfortable being so pregnant in the Summer. And it is just going to get warmer… take it easy, and look after yourself and your little one. What is it? Boy, girl?
Ah Angel, I see you got a promotion… Not sure, if congratulations in order? Can’t be much fun reading these sickening stories and threading about it. But hey, someone must do it, for these children’s sakes these stories cannot be hidden! The world must know how little children are being abused… wish there was something we could do to stop & prevent it!
Will see you guys around, I think I have enough courage again to post here.
November 9th, 2009 at 6:09 am
I don’t know where you live, but we’ve had nothing but rain these past few weeks, definitely not hot enough for my taste. I’m having another boy, due in April
Thanks for asking!
Enjoy your break… come back rested!
November 9th, 2009 at 1:06 am
Oh sorry guys, I did not read the post properly! She died??? No, that will definitely mean he will be found guilty of manslaughter at the very least! I’d venture a guess that it means a sentence of at least 15 years without probation.
Sorry for the doffness, still not getting much sleep
November 9th, 2009 at 1:21 am
I agree with Karen! How many times do you have to hit someone with an electrical cord to kill them? It must have been a very long and gruesome affair.
I clicked on the local story link , and was also repulsed by many of the posters on that site in SA. Only a small few were righly outraged over this story, some were debating whether it was wrong or not, and some supported the father. Holy F , I won’t be planning any visits to SA anytime soon.
November 9th, 2009 at 7:52 am
Yip, I stay in Johannesburg (Northcliff) and it has been raining quite a bit but I think it is going to clear up before long. It is only November now, Dec, Jan & Feb is still coming. So glad I had my babies in winter (June & August).
Take care & chat soon
November 10th, 2009 at 4:42 am
Karen, I was thinking the same thing. Almost sounded like some country-to-country electrical cord that’s about 3 feet wide or something. I still can’t picture it. Flogging it’s called, I think?