Example No. 1,432 of when an apology letter doesn’t quite cover it

Woman encouraged husband to have sex with 12-year-old girl

Woman arrested on child sex charge

Child Rape for Welfare Benefits in Florida

There are times in life when you read or hear about a tragic loss of innocence and you realize that you are witnessing something special…dare I say, magical? When it dawns on you that there has been a convergence of imbeciles the magnitude of which overrides the possibility of all but the saddest, most terrible or horrific outcomes. Yes folks, there’s a phrase I like to save for those unique, over the rainbow moments and that phrase is ‘bucket of spilt fuck’ or ‘bucket o’ spilt fuck’ for those of you who speak leprechaun.  This would be the perfect phrase to describe Matthew Bouchard (aka Penis Face — no, not dickhead; he actually looks like a penis see picture) and Alicia Ann Bouchard (aka Catfish Vagina — receding hairline and thinning hair is probably NOT limited to her scalp so I imagine her vagina barely has whiskers at this point) of Jackson County, Florida.

Catfish Vagina is charged with sexual battery, soliciting sexual activity with a child, and child abuse for allegedly encouraging the 12-year-old girl in their care to have sex with her husband.  The reason for this alleged heinous act…ol’ Catfish was hoping for an extra support check if her husband got her pregnant.  Hell, why didn’t I think of that?  That’s some resourcefulness right there because you know what we never run low on in a recession?  Young, preteen girls to impregnate!

According to police reports, the Catfish and Penis Face household was under investigation starting about a year ago when police arrested Penis Face on underage sex charges.  They later discovered Catfish’s involvement, confirmed by the letter she had sent to the young girl at the shelter where she had been placed.  In the heartfelt letter, Catfish Vagina apologizes for forcing the young girl to watch her and her husband have sex (I’m emotionally scarred just from imagining what a clusterfuck that must look like), and goes on to say she was ‘dang sure [she] should not have allowed [her] to have sex with Matt.”  Well, alright then…if she was “dang sure” then that pretty much settles it then, doesn’t it?  It’s a little like your surgeon making you a quadriplegic during routine surgery then writing you a letter saying he was “dang sure” that he shouldn’t have nicked your spinal cord.  I don’t know about you folks, but if I was Catfish Vagina, I wouldn’t be surprised if I got a job offer from Hallmark in my prison mail asking me to head up their new sorry-I-completely-destroyed-your-life-but-here’s-a-card-to-make-it-all-better department.

  • Anonymous

    well catfish are bottom feeders so…

    • http://badbreeders.net/ April

      Oh I like you…

      • Anonymous

        Thanks! 

  • Cridgaway

    I would just like to say Ceci, that while I hate the story, I loved your writing. Specifically, the ending was great.

    As for story, I’m at a loss for words.

  • Jemimabean

    Oh yuck yuck yuck! Jesus H Christ, these two are simply too revolting to be allowed to live, even before we start talking about their perversions! Eeeeuuucchh! My eyeballs are vomiting!

  • http://sonowinx.wordpress.com/ Kae Lily

    The young girl was placed in a shelter? Wait, was she their daughter? If not, where were her parents?

  • Shadyhellyeah

    My soul died a little reading this story and thinking about that poor little girl….

    And slobba the hut thinks an apology letter is just going to erase all damage done…what a fuckin moron.

  • Anonymous

    They have to be related, and not just by marriage.  There’s some “clusterfuck” DNA in there somewhere.

    • Madison

      definetly related. gross.

  • http://badbreeders.net/ April

    Okay…
    1. I fucking love you
    2. Do Catfish have vaginas?
    3. How do you know?
    4. I fucking love you
    5. My vagina doesn’t have ANY whiskers (Thanks to the amazing women ant the European waxing salon behind my office)…. Should I be offended?
    6. I fucking love you.
    7. What in the fucking fuck?  Who does this? 
    8. Kill them both.

    I’m done.

    • Anonymous

      1. I fucking love you too
      2. I don’t think so but they’re lobbying for it to be covered under their insurance (it’s not just cosmetic dammit)
      3. Strip bar in Atlanta where old strippers go to die…whiskers, whiskers everywhere.  It made me want to try to invent pussy rogaine in my spare time.
      4. I fucking love you too
      5. Thumbs up European waxing salon and since yours is whisker free by choice it doesn’t qualify as catfish vagina.  It only qualifies if it is biologically inevitable.
      6. I fucking love you too goddamit
      7. (crickets chirping)…I got nothin’
      8. I concur.

      • http://badbreeders.net/ April

        OMG!!  I googled “catfish vagina”.  Curious, you know?  BB comes up # 2 and 3 (Awesome!)… somewhere below that is pussy gurgle.  I can only imagine this whore knows all too well anout pussy gurgle,.

        • Anonymous

          She looks like she smells like the DC wharf in mid-July so she’s got catfish covered on all kinds of levels…ugh, what with the two last write ups I think I’ll just have a salad tonight.

        • Anonymous

          She looks like she smells like the DC wharf in mid-July so she’s got catfish covered on all kinds of levels…ugh, what with the two last write ups I think I’ll just have a salad tonight.

          • http://badbreeders.net/ April

            Let me know when you are ready for more.  I’ll avoid sending you any more perverts for a while.

        • http://pagansagainstchildabuse.spruz.com/ DodiaFae

          I’m so afraid to ask (and even more afraid to google it), but what the fucking fuck is “pussy gurgle”?

          I’m fairly certain that this will end up being a case of “morbid curiosity killed the cat”…

          • http://badbreeders.net/ April

            I didn't click the link. Go look.

          • http://pagansagainstchildabuse.spruz.com/ DodiaFae

            Link?  I’m not seeing any link?  o.O

          • http://badbreeders.net/ April

            You have to google “catfish vagina”

          • MomInAva

            Yes, morbid curiosity did kill the cat. For some reason, I decided to click on the link. Yeah, so not reposting it. Kinda gross…. but still not as gross as catfish vagina ;-)

  • http://pagansagainstchildabuse.spruz.com/ DodiaFae

    That settles it… if I weren’t already scarred for life from reading about this shit, this one sealed it.  

    I think the prison warden could make a killing selling tickets for a chance to wipe that evil fucking smirk off the face of the penis with nostrils.

  • Anonymous

    “In the heartfelt letter, Catfish Vagina apologizes for forcing the young girl to watch her and her husband have sex…”

    Ugh!  That should seriously be a death penalty offense.  I think I saw that guy in The Hills Have Eyes, and the bald one isn’t much to look at either.

    • http://badbreeders.net/ April

      Bwaaaahaaaaahaaaaaaaaa