Ask BB: A German reader needs help

It’s not often that we get e-mail from Europe that doesn’t involve the UK. However M. is from Germany and has an extreme situation that she hopes someone can help her with.

As always I do have to preface this by saying that Bad Breeders is not responsible for any resulting actions and any advice taken is at your own risk.

Here is the e-mail from M.

Dear BB Readers,
I´d like to share our story with you, hoping for advice, as I don´t know what to do any more! At the moment it feels like whatever I´m gonna do, it´ll be wrong.
We live in Germany, where I think that offenders have more rights and protection than the victims. Because of the laws I am not allowed to tell any full names or post pictures, apart from that, criminal proceedings (trial) have not started yet, we might wait a year or more.

As I could by now write a book, I´ll try to only write the most important things – feel free to ask in the comments, if you want to know more.

My personal nightmare began the first weekend in August…..
I had been separated from my little 3 year old sons father since pregnancy for good reasons – but until then had let my son H. stay at his fathers place every other weekend. Up to then, I had thought it to be very important for H. to have his dad K. in his life and I had the impression that K. loved his son and only hated me…. For my son´s welfare I even invited K. and his family for christmas, H.`s birthday and so on.
Sometimes I had a “strange” feeling, as H. often didn´t want to go to his dad´s place and complained about a stomach ache before and after.
As he never said anything more when I asked and his dad always said they had a great time, I considered it to be the change between two towns and households. I was SO WRONG as it has turned out.
I feel terrible about not noticing earlier, on the other hand noone would have believed me earlier on…

Back to the first weekend in August: K. picked H. up at the Kindergarten Friday afternoon and brought him back to my house on Sunday evening.
Usually, K. would bring H. inside and tell me what they had done during the weekend. This time, he just dropped H.s bag on a garden chair on my porch and called “I´m gone” – left immediately. H. came towards me crying badly and I embraced him and picked him up, asking him what happened.
“Daddy is bad” he said.
“What do you mean”, I asked, “why is he bad?”
“He hit me” my little boy replied sobbing…..

H. had greenish marks on his forehead, a read eye, abrasions on his cheek, a blue mark on his nose….
I was totally shocked, I can´t even describe what I felt!
He smelled badly, so I undressed him. He had dried feces on his bottom and down his legs….many more greenish marks and a strange red mark to his stomach. Before giving him a bath, I quickly took pictures with my cell phone. My camera was upstairs and not charged, so of course I didn´t leave my son to wait. Later, I was going to be told the cellphone pictures are not good enough (quality)…….

After the bath, I called K. to ask him what happened – still hoping for honest answers.
Me: “What happened to H., he´s bruised all over?”
K.: “Nothing”
Me: “Well, something must have happened, he´s bruised!”
K.: “He´s got no bruises, you can tell that shit to somebody else” He hung up…..

After that, I was sure something bad had happened. I was so shocked and staggered! How could one hurt a little child, a toddler????
H. has never ever gotten slapped in my home, I´m totally against any kind of physical punishment. Up to then, I thought K. shared my opinion.

I took H. to the doctors, the poor little guy had to undergo CT/exray (brain, eyes, intestines) under general anasthetic. Luckily, there were no internal bleedings. H. told the doctors that his dad had hit him so hard, he fell to the ground and against a wall!!!!
Doctors said the bruises are “suspicios” but it can´t be definitely said that it was abuse. The location of the bruises (abrasions and haemoraghes) says, there must have been several accidents, if there were accidents (both sides front and back of body).

But it was to become worse!!!!!!!!!!!!!! H. started telling me about dad “pinching his penis”, “putting a tube inside his penis” “peeing on him” and tellling about dad “doing this” showing a masturbating movement. I feel so terrible and sick about this, how would a 3-year old come to telling this? I totally believe him! To me, there is no reasonable other explanation to these statements than my little boy going through hell at his fathers where I believed him to be loved and safe!!!!!
Imagine this – I stayed single all the time, not wanting a stranger around my little son…..and then I find out, that his own father has harmed him terribly!
Since that weekend (up to now) my son has big behaviour problems:
– Needs diapers again (he didn´t need them any more before….)
– Refuses to use the toilet, doesn´t even sit on it any more (panic)
– Doesn´t sleep in his bed, stays with me all night, has bad nightmares, is afraid “of dad” and that he would come and take him to his place, awakens several times a night
– Eats very little
– Is afraid of crowds and strange buildings (like restaurants and stuff)
– Often has stomach ache
– Doesn´t take part in Kindergarten – activities and rules
– Suddenly hits and kicks our dogs (he never did that, the dogs love him and he loved them!)
– Tells me every day, that he feels sad, is actually depressed!

After that, I contacted child welfare services myself and went to the police to have K. charged. The questioning at the police later filled 100 typed pages, so you can guess I´m cutting it short here….
Apart from that, I applied for full costody at the family court.

So, by now there is family court trial going on and I´m waiting for criminal proceedings trial. I´ve got two specialized lawyers, luckily I´ve got a good job to pay all of that!

If you google “German Jugendamt” you will find out, that they either do nothing at all (to help children) or in other cases overreact and take children into foster care because of rumours…´s a nightmare.
Well, as you can guess, in my case they did nothing. I called there every day to ask for help, as H.s father demanded to pick him up again and it would have been his right by law! (He could have fetched him with police)
I got a restraining order with my lawyer, child welfare didn´t help me.
Unfortunately, K. knows all the Jugendamt-people due to his job, he works with kids in foster care and in institutions………bad luck, they seem to believe him! I hope the police will investigate if anything went strange with his contact to those children…..

At least police started investigating, I know that by now some people have been questioned and there was a house search at K.s place. Let´s see, what results there will be….

There was one Family-Court session allready, it was terrible:
– K. and his lawyer first stated that I hurt H, not K. But as H. was picked up from Kindergarten and they stated they had turned a perfectly healthy child to K., they had to change their statements….
– Next, they wanted to see the pictures and the lawyer stated he could see nothing but mosquito-bites on the pics. I don´t know what huge mosquitos live in his place, I´ve never seen such….. I was close to offering him a wipe for his glasses…..really fought to stay calm!
– The next thing was, that they tried to make me look insane – they stated that I´ve got Borderline, Narcisstic personality disorder and bipolar disorder! And they said that I must have told H. to believe his father has harmed him!
Of course I´m totally sane and healthy, so I said they could question my doctors and that I´ve never had such diagnosis. The only thing I ever had was burnout many years ago during master-exam at university while having to work 30 hours a week! No more, no less.

Still, court decided to decide custody later on (next year) and first give supervised visits at the Jugendamt for K.!!!! My poor little boy has to see his father there every other week for an hour. During the visit he seems quite “normal” but after that in the evening he really freaks out and doesn´t sleep all night due to panic and fear. Maybe he doesn´t dare to say anything in front of his father? It´s terrible!!!!
Apart from that, court has ordered there has to be consultancy/ psychological expert report done. Guess who has been questioned by now????

Me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I had to go to this psychologist already and was questioned 3 hours, 3 more are to come on wednesday. Later the psychologist will talk to K. too and come and visit H., after that there will be a videotaped questioning of my son.
I´m not allowed to get psychological help for H. (which I think he badly needs) as it is said to falsen his later questioning.

The Jugendamt-lady, which I called to tell her my concerns about the supervised visits (due to H.s reactions afterwards) said it could be because he then realizes he misses his father. Yeah, sure…..

At the time being, noone cares about my little boy, noone helps him and I fight and fight but don´t see any success.
Instead, I now have to prove my sanity and that I haven´t made H. make the accusations up. It´s so terrible!
If I don´t get them to believe us H. will have to stay the weekends at his fathers again! They can pressure me, as if I refuse they can withdraw custody from me or even send me to prison for wanting to protect my baby!!! But of course, the offender is free to do what he wants.
Even if trial will end in sentence, K. is likely to stay free as he has no previous convictions. Crazy world, huh?

My feeling is, that whatever I do, it´s wrong!
If I fight and struggle, I´m crazy…..
If I force myself to stay calm they will say that it´s all made up and I´m not emotionally involved
If I seek psychological help for H. it will be a mistrial and I´ll have to turn my little precious boy to his father again.
If I do as I´m told and wait, H. will continue to suffer……I can hardly bear that!
I feel that I´m at the time punished for protecting and taking care of my child!
Which judge cares about H.s feelings? Why does noone take a little kid serious?

I have the fear that in the end I will be imprisoned for not turning over H. to his father. Whatever court will decide, I can NOT possibly send H. to his father again! That would be betrayal and child abuse to me!!! As explained, if court decides this I will have to or end up in jail!

I´m so desperate, I can´t even find words to tell you how I feel and how much I suffer watching my child suffer and fall apart!
I give him all the love, attention and support one possibly can – but when he wants me to promise him that he´ll never have to visit his father any more I have to lie to him or frighten him. What is worse?

What would you do?

Or am I crazy to believe a three year old? He only has me to protect him, why do people react as if this where wrong!?
I´ve never understood why some mothers sit by and do nothing to help their kids…..I am a strong and independant person (don´t need help making a living) and still this takes more strength than anything I have ever experienced! A friend of mine said that she could imagine many women give up after calling child support 20 times and not getting any help but rude comments….. So by now, I think it´s part of the problem – not getting help quickly but feeling all alone and treated worse than the offender!

I hope you were able to understand my english – I´m not very concentrated as I haven´t slept much for months by now, take care of my desperate child full term (no “free” time at home) and work a lot, to get the bills payed…… As soon as my little guy is around I try to give him a good time and not let him see how sad and desperate I am – it would worry him even more. It´s hard to get myself into a cheerful, optimistic mood for him when I actually often feel like crying. But I manage. To me, it´s the most important thing to help H. get over his bad experiences and give him joy – for my baby I would do anything – even if it´s going through hell. If I could take all his pain from him, I would immediately do so. I´m ready to fight on, no matter how hard it´s gonna be.
I´m glad to have great friends and family who support me – still they have no advice any more and are shocked themselfes.

If anyone out there has ideas what to do at the moment – I´m greatful for any advice or encouragement!
I wish I lived in the US, at least K. would have been charged by now or am I wrong?

Little H. and I are going to meet friends at the indoor-playground today, I hope it´ll turn out well and H. will have a great time playing. It´s unpredictable – maybe he will have a great time playing with his little friends – maybe he will suddenly be scared to death out of nothing explainable and we have to drive home. We´ll see. Whish us luck…. Staying at home from the start is no option, as he is worried all the time, that his father could suddenly arrive to pick him up….

Considering the guy called H.s father, I´ll spare you the details about what I´d like to happen to him…´ll end up swearing and cursing….I guess you all can imagine what I feel about this bastard.

Greetings from Germany, M.

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  • Danik

    Has there been any updates to this situation?

  • MomInAva

    I have 2 things of advice and you probably shouldn’t listen to either of them.
    1. Get a gun and shoot the fucker.
    2. Run. Go underground, go to a different country, do whatever you need to do to keep that evil bastard away from your precious baby.
    I absotively posolutely cannot stand anyone that harms a child in any way. Personally, I think vigilante justice is the way to go. Unfortunately, the justice system doesn’t agree with me.

  • Mama Bear

    I’m sorry if my post was beyond redundant & please please forgive me for referring to Ethan by name- his plight happened so near to where my children & I live & crushed me in such a permanent way… I reacted so strongly to your story that I commented before reading a single other comment. Don’t think of it as a jinx- consider that little Ethan will intercede & watch over this boy- so like himself- & his mother. Again apologies all around- truly.

    • Anonymous

      I think bringing up Ethan could help give the push that is needed to take the most extreme last resort step needed in protecting her son. If the system fails her and her child she does have the option of leaving the country that is oppressing and failing her son in so many ways. Making the escape plan while she’s doing things the right way, and saving it as an absolute last resort for her and her son is smart. It gives her an out for when everyone else doesn’t give her one legally and fails her. Or, if she wants to leave now she can, but please, please, remember you need to have the escape plan first. Know exactly where you are going to go, get an apartment or house there (whichever you can afford), save as much money as possible so you will be able to leave and also have a cushion for yourself should you need time to find a job,  and when everything is in place run for it! Also, if your son has an attachment to something make sure to bring it. He’s already extremely stressed, and this may help him make such a big transition even though it will be for the best for his well being. 

  • Mama Bear

    I live in a town in Utah (USA) where last year a little boy named Ethan Stacey was brutally abused; tortured & murdered by his egg-donor & her BF/husband. Ethan lived with his Daddy in another state (SC I think)- I know this is a reversal of your situation but bear with me. Ethan’s Dad also fought to keep his beloved 4 year old from being sent to his mother for visitation, but the judge ruled in favor of the “mother” & ethan was sent here- (where the bitch had recently moved to & reconnected with an old BF). In matter of days he was dead. I won’t burden you with the details, but how my heart still breaks for Ethan, his family, his Daddy. His Dad also would have gone to jail if he tried to refuse visitation, & then Ethan still would have been sent to his “mother”. PLEASE PLEASE- Even if you don’t think you could ever go through with it: Make preparations for an escape plan NOW. You can find info & checklists/tips on websites devoted to battered women. If it looks like things are about to go bad, you take that precious boy of yours & RUN. LEAVE THE COUNTRY. ALSO if things go well for you in family court, but your Ex is still walking around free- please be careful. If he ever looks at you in a way that makes your blood run cold, use at least part of your escape plan to go on holiday IMMEDIATELY. Please take it from someone whose been there personally- & doesn’t have to live with the grief & regrets ethan’s dad does. May Good bless & protect you & your little one.

  • Anonymous

    Am I the only one who thinks this story is bullshit?! 

    • Anonymous

      Even if it is “bullshit” we don’t know that for sure. I commend Trench for posting mail like this without knowing how true it is or not because if it is true it can help give a parent, grandparent, aunt or uncle some kind of guidance or idea they haven’t though of yet in order to achieve a good outcome for the child. It also gives the victim a voice. Why take the chance of not posting due to possible untruth when it could save a child’s life or the lives of multiple children? I’d rather risk looking like a fool because a letter like this is untrue and I tried to help, than not helping and a child enduring more abuse or worse.

    • Your_Pal_Nancy

      Looks that way.

  • Cathy J Blake

    “Or am I crazy to believe a three year old?”
    DO NOT doubt what your son has told you.  Even if a toddler could possibly have a reason to lie about abuse, he would have no way to describe or “make up” the things he’s said on his own.
    People are going to slam me for saying it… it’s illegal, it’s “wrong” but if K.  is EVER issued ANY TYPE of visitation where there is a even a chance he could be alone with H. you need to  just run.  There are many people and associations out there that will agree and will help.

    Like I said, people can slam me all they want for advising someone to break the law but I don’t care.  You can’t be too careful with your child’s safety and I would do anything, including things considered illegal, to keep my boy safe.

    For you and your son’s sake, I hope the courts wisen up and keep this monster away from you both.  If not, you need to ensure his safety yourself. 
    Good luck & God bless.

  • Anonymous

    I am so sorry. I couldn’t read the whole thing, I got triggered pretty badly.

    I don’t know German laws.
    But to an American I would suggest this; Have a child advocate, see if your court system offers this.
    Be sure H is in counseling. He needs to learn (3 yr old level) coping skills for his fears. He needs to know he’s safe (hopefully the courts see this too).

    I send you postive thoughts, vibes, prayers & anything else I can muster up for you, my hear bleeds for H, and  for you. As a mother, I understand that pain.
    Please update when you have information, I would love to hear this all works out in the childs favor.

  • Rocketship

    I am so, SO sorry you are going through this. My husband and I are going through something similar with my stepdaughter and, unfortunately, the state of Missouri is NO BETTER than what you’re getting right now. 
    I wish there was a way I could bring you here and make sure you were taken care of, make sure your little baby was safe. I do STRONGLY suggest you find it possible by any means to leave. Leave and start a new life with a bright future elsewhere. If you cannot, document anything and everything. Set up a camera to show your baby’s reactions. STAY CONSISTENT. Call them repeatedly until something gets done. Don’t take no for an answer.

  • Somtthinglike

    leave germany and come here you can stay with us or we can find you a safe place..rescue your baby…god be with you and son

  • Diana

    This is probably terrible advice, and anyone reading this, feel free to scream at me for saying this but….my first instinct is to tell you to run as far away from that man as you can. Go far enough that he will NEVER be able to find you.

    I say this because from your descriptions, this man seems unpredictably violent and predatory. If the courts aren’t going to help you, you may not have many options left, and you need to protect your little boy. I know it’s illegal but, if this were me, I’d consider the alternatives….none of them make your little guy any safer.

    I hope and pray that this situation ends well for you. Please remember that you are certainly in the thoughts and prayers of myself and the others here.

    May God watch over you and your little one.

  • Anonymous

    You’ve been given some pretty good advice here, so the only thing I will push is yeah, to use a different camera and document.  Of course, that means that the little guy will still be in contact with his monster of a father.  I just hope that what’s happened to H. does not escalate, as does often happen.

    I am reminded of one case where the custodial parent was required to send his child to the mother for certain holidays and two weeks in the summer.  I am not going to mention him by name but most will know.  It might sound crazy, but I kinda feel that my mentioning it by name, it becomes something that might jinx things somehow. 

    You have my every sympathy.  Do what you have to do to protect your son.  I might get shot down for it (b/c lots of people are really adamant about being against such things), but I’d almost recommend that, if things don’t go your way in the legal sense, you check into some sort of children’s underground network.  It’s drastic but it might give a fighting chance when there might seem to be no hope someday.  Sure, there have been cases where mothers take their children underground due to false accusations but your situation does not fit that description by any means.

    • Diana

      You read my mind. I’m just reading your comment as I left mine and I definitely agree with you. 

  • Gladys Cortez

    Do you know anyone with a gun?

    I’m not sure I’m even HALF-kidding. Seeing the way innocent children suffer while the justice machine grinds (and often jams, misfires, flat-out FAILS) makes me very sympathetic to vigilantes.

    Lacking guns, knives, poison or baseball bats, I would pray for a well-aimed lightening bolt; or you could do what mothers in this country sometimes do when they are pressed to the limits: they take their child and they run, taking new names and abandoning their old lives entirely to keep the abuser and the child apart.

    This story will haunt me for a long while. I’m not normally a praying person, but in this case I will gladly make an exception.

    • Malevolent April

      Love this comment!

  • ravendreams

    I am so sorry.  I went through almost this exact thing when my son was two.  I was told to send him for visits or lose custody.  It has been horrible.  The courts said they couldn’t prove whether it was his father or grandfather or even a neighbor who was hurting him.  I feel like the world’s worst mother for not protecting him better.
    Can you get him picked up and dropped off with the child welfare people? or police?  That way they can monitor injuries.  This stopped most of the physical abuse for us.
    Put your son in couseling.  This helped my son handle it better although he never told her what was going on.  If your son does, it will help you.
    I wish I had done more.  I wish I had found a way to video tape his house or offered him a bribe in exchange for never seeing them again. 
    Never, never doubt your child or your instincts.  He got those injuries somewhere.   My son is now eight.  We still can’t “prove” what is happening even though he is old enough to tell child welfare what is happening.  
    I wish you all the luck and love to get the courts to see what is best for your son.  My thoughts are with you.  I too felt that evey choice was wrong.  Everywhere I went, they tried to make me the bad guy.  I hope you have better luck than I did.

  • Anonymous

    Poor little guy!

    From what I’ve read, abdominal pain can result from sexual abuse…and lots of times children will soil themselves (again, what I’ve read) as a kind of deterrent–to discourage the perpetrator.  Something is definitely going on.

  • HelloKitty7881

    It sounds like Germany and the US are not that different. I have heard stories of parents doing the same thing trying to protect there children over here. The law is slow to help child services are useless and everything is wrapped up in legal bull crap. Just continue to do what you are doing. Do everything the law is telling you. Document everything that is going on get as much proof as possible. If you can place a hidden camera on H and record his interactions with K. If K is a pedophile he could have proof on his computer like others have said. Try and put the spot light over K get them to see the monster as he really is. I would email that man to get the lawyers number and just keep pushing and fighting. You both are in my prayers and you are a strong woman. I am a mother as well and I can’t imagine what you both have gone through. I wish the system would see what is going on and not coddle that piece of waste.  What ever you do don’t take H and run even though it sounds like a good idea. That would cause more damage than good, you will loose and so will H. God bless and just love your baby and hold him close.

  • Anonymous

    Get a better camera. DOCUMENT. Surveillance cameras can be your best friend. Also, if he is a child molester he may have child porn on his computer.
      If there’s any way to get a court ordered search of his computer and there is anything illegal on it, that may be a way to get him incarcerated sooner. If he has pedo friends, they may turn HIS ass in to save their own. I don’t know the laws there, but make friends in law enforcement. Hound them until they listen, but BE NICE.  Sometimes if you do simple things like bake them cookies it will buy you just a few minutes where someone might listen and/or start a ball rolling. I know it sounds dumb, but you’d be surprised. Your english is good. Poor child sounds as if he may be experiencing PTSD. This creep of a “Dad” works for the foster system??? It would be very interesting to talk to some of his old clients. hmmm. 
     “Unfortunately, K. knows all the Jugendamt-people due to his job, he works with kids in foster care and in institutions………bad luck, they seem to believe him! I hope the police will investigate if anything went strange with his contact to those children….” 
    Can you hire a private detective on this? If other kids are telling of abuse the authorities will HAVE TO LISTEN. .Kindest regards.

  • Furandfeathersmommy

    This was a heartbreaking letter for me to read! I am not a mom (only to my four dogs) but I could not imagine going through this, ever. I agree with the other replies as far as documentation… Document EVERYTHING… the suggestion about the pics/emotions before and after visits is good. Without your son knowing, maybe use a video camera, hidden to him, and film his reactions. I completely understand you not wanting K to be anywhere near him again but unfortunately it may take a few more visits/breakdowns for the crazy system there to get the proof they need. Stay strong and don’t get arrested, H needs you!

    Bad Breeders doesn’t like my state too much :) but I live in Florida if you need somewhere to stay!

    • Malevolent April

      We don’t hate Florida. It just happens that a whole lotta damn child abuse happens there. And Texas. And Colorado. And…well… You see what I mean.

  • RB

    Maybe this can help
    1.  Make sure you get and keep a restraining order (or the similar in your country).
    2.  Make sure you see someone you can talk to like a psychologist or a good friend.  3. As it was suggested before:  Document, Document, Document.  If you can,Before your child goes on a visit, photograph him (arms, chest, head, legs) and make sure there is a time stamp on the pic. After, photograph him again.  Or take him to the doctors before and after.  Write down how the kiddo was, emotionally and physically, before and after each visit. Sign and date and write down the time on each sheet.
    4.  If you have to be in the same room as the jackass, keep calm no matter what happens. 
    I wish you luck.  

  • Kmohalachis

    i wish you the very best and i wish i had some good advise for you all i can say is that you seem like a mighty strong mom and i know you will do whatever possable to get the best for your boy the laws there are so so different than the US so i will just be able to send you my prayers and well wishes i would say pack him up and run but i know in the end that is not the best thing for him to teach him to run and live a life of being wanted and never having a normal life just make sure you keep a good support network so you dont burn out and then he will have even a little thing like being hospitalized for exhaustion against you so just try to keep your head up as much as you can sending all the hope i can muster up to Germany for you to get full custody and the piece of shit to end up in jail

  • Brandtpaula72

    You are not crazy for beleving a 3 year old. Your are a loving caring mother.Y ou hang in there and fight for that baby!

  • Takeimasmom

    can u email  
    sometimes its about who u know i know a lawyer over there hes well connected

  • Danielle

    M I’m so incredibly sorry to hear of what has happened to your darling boy at the hands of his father. The long-term affects are enough to send me into a full breakdown and heartache for you both. 

    I know nothing of German law, but it sounds to me that they are not on your side at all and that pains me as well. 

    Other BB readers have suggested moving countries and I think that is your best bet, if its possible? Even if it doesn’t get him to not have any custody of your son, it will make it much more difficult. Maybe your company is global and you can discuss a position change in another area or country? 

    Aside from having him killed, which I assume is not possible, my only advice would be for you to never give up. Protect your son and protect yourself. DOCUMENT everything you possibly can. Getting your son to see a therapist is so important too and then that person can testify on your behalf if the whole thing goes to court. 

    I will keep you in my prayers, please keep us updated on what happens. 

  • Mare

    I am going through something similar. My husband whipped our daughter with a hairbrush. He is OUT. I can hear the panic and stress in your letter – you need to find a women’s group who can help you. If you need to, contact social services or even a library for information. I am lucky – in Canada, the child comes first. But – friends can help only so much. You need support. And if all else fails, alert the media. hugs and prayers. 

  • Angies4kids

    I can’t imagine the pain and struggle involved in what you are going through but all I can offer is two things…
    -Don’t give up! Keep fighting & making sure someone listens!
    -Pray!  Ask God to touch the hearts of each person involved in this case. I will pray for your family as well.

    Please keep us all posted!

  • Alwaysalmost

    Get a child therapist involved, and have him go see them. It’s your word vs his in these situations.

  • melissa

    As your his mother you know your son well.  I think you are doing all that you legally can, and now you just need to love and support your young son.  As Germany is a member of the EU can you move to a different county?  Maybe find a job in the UK or another country which would at least hinder the birth father’s chances of visiting with your son?  Sorry I couldn’t be of more help!  Please know I am keeping you and your son in my thoughts.

  • Reevescourtney14

    I don’t know anything about German laws or their court systems, but as a mother you know your child best. If you feel like something is wrong listen to that mother’s instinct, because usually its right. Don’t give up and keep fighting to keep your son safe. 

  • NM

    Sometimes, moving further away for a different job deters people from visiting their children. Have you looked into getting a work visa in any other part of the world?  Walmart’s hiring in their corporate office. Bentonville, Arkansas would be a nice, cozy town for you to settle in to.
    Do you know any big guys? Sometimes tuff guys get tuff lessons from others as a reminder that people don’t like child abusers. You can’t really help if the ex gets beat and threatened while he’s out and about, can you?

  • cc

    I pray that your toddler lives a normal life. Keep fighting to keep your child safe! A mother knows when thier child (at any age) is being abused!

  • Jadecerowe

    dear God, your system is worse than ours!  personally, i’d kill him.  or get out of Germany.  either way he’d never see that child again.

  • Susan Moore

    I have no clue of what advice to offer you as I’m in the states. I do think you should continue to document how H reacts when he comes home from supervised visits. I know it’s not a lot and you are facing a lot of disbelief, but it may help. Depending on how his interview goes once they get there, it could help put more into perspective.

    In the States there is plenty of times where what you’re going through happens. I’ve seen more than a handful of cases of obvious abuse just get closed because of the still flawed system here. It’s extremely unfortunate and it breaks my heart to pieces. No child should ever have to endure such things and too many do every day.

    I know I didn’t have much advise to offer you, but know that I’m here for you and your son. My heart breaks for the both of you! Sending hugs to you and your little one in spirit, and tons of “vibes” so that things can get better and go how you want them to. I wish you and your son the best.

  • Digchild

    Get a personal protection order against that abusive ass and divorce him.Such a scumbag should never be allowed near you or your kids.