We get letters: Making a change

Trench Reynolds

We get a lot of comments from people who accuse us of just being a gossip blog and not really doing anything to actually help the children. One reader of the site disagrees. I’ve edited the following e-mail to protect the readers identity with the sender’s permission…

I am 19 years old, a mother of an infant, and a current university student. Your site has inspired me to get into social work. I just changed my major to social work today and after my bachelors degree, I plan on going to law school. I want to protect children from things like I read on this site. I also want to make sure the sick bastards that do all of this get the time and punishment they deserve. Every child deserves to be loved like I love and care for my son. Thank you for your inspiring help! (:

While inspiration is a great thing to instill in people it is we who should be thanking you. I think I speak for all of us here at BB when I say we wish you well in your studies and that you become a positive force in defense of the children in this country.

Tags: mail

This entry was posted on Friday, February 17th, 2012 at 5:47 pm. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

FeelingCynical

Bleh. In my experience social workers have do more harm than good.
Maybe it’s different in Canada. Maybe it’s different because my child has Autism. (I know several families of Autistic children who are harassed for seemingly no reason, except people seem overly enthused about the idea of “protecting these helpless children.” They can’t seem to grasp the concept that a child could be self-injurious/violent, or even that we’re not going to hurt our children simply because they can’t speak up.

I’ve been a faithful reader of this site for 5 years, since my son was born. I see the stink about “mother’s boyfriends.” There are a lot of bad stories, and unfortunately those are the types of stories that landed a perfectly good man and father in jail. Once the charges were dropped due to medical evidence on our side, CPS proceeded to tear our family torn apart, because regardless of what the child abuse specialist and the court thought, they “weren’t convinced.” Leaving my son (and his brother and sister) deprived of his father, broken hearted, and regressing behaviorally. I have scars from his attacks because he believes I am responsible for his daddy “going away.”

In addition to that, my husband’s ex wife was told by CPS that he is not to see his children from the previous marriage. 5 kids who were crazy about their father, no longer allowed to know him… based on nothing solid. Just a suspicion that was disproved by a medical professional.

People who want to make a difference and read stories like these go into situations tend to have an “I’ve seen this 100 times before” attitude, and sometimes they’re wrong. Once they get that idea into their head they won’t back down. I used to read these stories and feel sad for the children. Now in addition to feeling sad for the children, I feel sad for the ideas that they put out there. If you’re not the biological father, you’re a likely abuser. Fuck that.

(As a disclaimer, I do know that there are good and bad CPS, as there are good and bad regular people. The one in my city has a particularly bad reputation; ie: The one who first arrived at my door made news for accusing a mother whose baby died of SIDS of being a murderer as she recovered in the hospital from a c-section. She tormented the woman so much she committed suicide. If I had known this when she arrived at my door I would have spit in her face.)
BeMyGuest

First of all, I am a CPS investigator in Michigan so I can only speak of my experience. The pay is very good but the expectations are that you are a detective, attorney, therapist and case manager. Every case is CYA (cover your ass) so you better dot your i’s and cross your t’s because if something happens to a kid on your watch you are at the bottom of the shit pile and your work is meticulously gone through. Many investigations are denied because there isn’t anything that meets the definition of child abuse or neglect in MI. Many times angry parents call on each other but remember shit flies both ways so if we investigate one parent we look at the other parent too. If you really want to make a difference in kids lives became a lawyer-guardian ad-litem and represent the kids in court to make sure they get what they need. CPS workers have 30 days to investigate and try to put in services to help clients change but it pays a toll on you emotionally. Michigan was sued for the piss poor way it handled child welfare and now there are lots of investigators with 2 years or less experience. That is an incredible amount of inexperienced workers-I can only imagine what it is like in the urban areas. If you feel this line of work is for you, I am never bored, have to drop what I’m doing at a moments notice to go see a child who disclosed that her dad made her ……………….. It can be disgusting, dirty, sad, heartbreaking but you are on the front lines…you are known by the work you do-so if you’re going to do this kind of work do a good job and don’t be an embarrassment. Good luck.
Anne

like
Angies4kids

I have to say, this site has helped me ALOT also. I am known for my short fuse and usually aggressive attitude. I have 4 kids, plus my nephew who lives with me, am a full time employee and a full time student and I coach 3 little league basketball teams; my life is hectic on a good day! I am studying to work with children either in the justice system or in the school system as a therapist or social worker, yet I can’t seem to always hold it together when my kids act crazy (like kids). When my kids, especially my special needs son, get on that one last nerve and I am about to lose it….I think of these stories I read on this site and look into my babies beautiful faces and instantly change tactics. (my kids range from 8-15 y/o but they are still my babies) I’m far from a perfect parent but I am not abusive either…but I also know there is room for improvement. BB reminds me every day how precious my kids are to me and how easily we take them for granted!
Jessica

I see kids on this site who went through worse then me and my siblings then some whose birth parents went even farther I have no problem with this site and the information help get it out and try to help both kids in the news and ones that are not.
Christal

Anything that draws attention to the abuse that is running rampant is helping. If people disagree with what this site writes about, then might I suggest that they find another place to get their information from. No one is forcing them to read badbreeders if they don’t like it.
Tcontact

I think people are uncomfortable with believing that horrid acts are perpetuated on children. I think awareness and education is key to change. I commend your effort and courage to be the voices of those silenced too soon. Thank you!
shannie

Go on and make change…so we never have to write about another 13 year being their parents sex slave or punching bag…Good luck!
Jadium_18

im just telling the truth
Melissa Wheeler

Because of this site, I am now training to volunteer with CASA program in my county. It was one story in particular about a childs death that had a caseworker that made false reports about seeing a child, but in fact did not. CASA, be a voice for a child!
Jennii_bear

I love this website… I am currently finishing my bachelor’s in psychology and plan to go into Social Services or Child Protective Services. I all ready know that the workload is fierce and the pay sucks, but someone has to care enough to represent these kids and try and protect them. One child saved is one less child that dies, or is tortured, or abused. No one person can save the world, but I can sure as hell try. I check this website everytime I get really tired from working… and homework… and keeping my two boys entertained… it reminds me why I work so hard and what I am going to be able to prevent when I am finished, and it fuels my fire to keep on going.
Jadium_18

I just want to tell this person that you work your ass off doing this job and dont get paid much. And, most of the stories on this blog will state how useless CPS is and how they fail at everything, so be prepared to hear that a lot.

Your_Pal_Nancy

Maybe she will help change the fact that CPS is so often a useless failure.
Anne

My mother’s best friend was a psychiatric social worker at a Catholic home for emotionally disturbed boys. She was a natural, a really gifted healer with a wonderful personality and did a lot of really helpful work with these kids. Then deinstitutionalization happened (this was the 1970s) and the home was flooded with these really hard-core psychotic and violent kids that the place just wasn’t set up to help and it made a hellish situation both for the staff and the more treatable kids. She ended up in a private clinic for wealthy substance abusers.

I think you make a good point. Publicly funded social services are being starved out of existence and even in organizations funded by private charity and churches the field is not exactly attracting and retaining the best and the brightest because the pay is so low and working conditions so crappy.