This story was posted by Benighted on our Open Thread a while ago. It’s too freaking funny to not be posted.
Joy Young (38), who appears to be the opposite of her namesake, was arrested and charged with child abuse after it was alleged that she bit her 16 year old daughter’s nipple during a fight.
According to police, Joy (who was not a Joy to be around) was arguing with her daughter Diamond LaCrystal Simmons about a social security check at their Vero Beach home in Flori-DUH. You see, 16 year old Diamond LaCrystal is the proud mother of a 2 month old bouncing baby boy. Shine bright like a Diamond indeed…So anyway, an argument broke out because Diamond was trying to apply for Social Security money so that she could spend it on herself instead of her baby. That shit didn’t fly with Joy, because Diamond would always go out and leave the baby with her. A tussle broke out and nipples got bitten.
A bit nipple bleeds a lot, and police were greeted with a scene reminiscent of the scene from The Shining where the blood rushes out of the lift. The officer noted that Diamond had a massive bloodstain on her shirt and scratches on her face. Joy emerged from the fracas without any injury.
Joy must have some super sharp teeth to get through a tshirt and a bra in order to bite Diamond on the nipple. I’m not sure how the mechanics of that would work, to be honest.
As you can see, this story was too funny to not publish. A ridiculous name, strange method of abuse, welfare fraud and all round trashiness. Thanks go to Benighted for this gem.