Trench’s confession: I hate BB

bb

Hey everybody, Trench here and I have a confession to make. I hate this website. Despise it even. Please allow me to explain.

I didn’t create this site. I inherited it after it changed hands a couple of times. Thanks to BB I’ve become jaded about stories of child abuse. A reader will send me a story and I’ll read it and I’ll think of a number of different ways of why it’s not ‘good’ enough for BB and I hate that this it what I’ve become.

Also I’m beginning to think that the critics of BB are correct. I’m beginning to feel that we’ve become nothing more than a gossip site. I mean, what are we really doing to try to help prevent child abuse other than re-hashing stories that have already been in the press. I want BB to be so much more. These are the reasons why I post so infrequently on BB.

Here’s the thing though. I can’t stop. Out of all of my sites BB is the most popular and successful. BB allows me to do the other sites. I think of being the owner of BB like being in the mob. Every time I try to get out they keep pulling me back in.

Don’t get me wrong though. I love our readers and the community that you’ve formed. You guys are the bright shining light among the dark clouds. So please allow me to put it to you.

What can we do at BB to not only make the site better but make it more useful as well? What should be its renewed purpose?

  • survivor23

    I think your site is very educational to those who want to get into the field of work helping children. I was a director for many years of a daycare and I would have my teachers read your site because it helped them learn the signs of abuse. I have always wanted to do what you do because I feel it is a great tool for education, but I understand how it can break you. Maybe its time to pass it on.

  • Jutta

    Not sure how the site could be improved– I’m inclined to think truth and exposure is enough. Reading through stories is a constant reminder of how I should be vigilant in regards to my own child’s safety– to be wary of inviting anyone into my life who would possibly harm my child– to avoid the kind of traps substance abuse can open.

  • wastintime

    Hello Trench,
    I know I’m late to the party, but I have a couple of suggestions.
    How about case updates and dates for parole and early release, maybe with site generated petitions? a scream board, where frustrated parents can vent their frustrations in words, some parents just need some sympathy and understanding. A child care tip board. A mugshot board, with possible links to public maybe government data bases so people can search for names of people that will be around their children.
    I’m sure we can get this site rolling the way you want it to go.
    But Trench, I read these articles and I can’t help but think “Are we really the only ones that care about these children? Is the only love these children get postmortem?” These children need a voice, why not us? If not us, then who? We have never held these children, we have never heard their voices, yet we care about and love these children.

    • http://trenchreynolds.me/ Trench Reynolds

      Thank for your comment.

      There will be updates for certain stories. Unfortunately to update every story is a logistical nightmare and I am posting more helpful links for all situations.

      The vent board is a good idea in theory but like message boards I’m afraid it would devolve into too much drama and hurt feelings.

  • Misty

    join change.org & start petitioning for harsher punishments for child abusers, molesters, murderers etc. In FL they recently passed a law giving violent sex offenders a mandatory 50 year sentence. Now, I live in FL & I HATE it here, but I think this is the first good move Fl has made in a long time. Anyway, a few people cannot make these changes, but a few good people can get things moving in the right direction. Also, offering online support groups or chats for adult victims of abuse or families of children who have suffered abuse or worse at the hands of a someone else might be a good thing as well. I think the most important part of any abuse case is rebuilding the victims life & giving support when & where ever possible.

  • sarah

    hey trench, I think somehow we have to drum into mums to stop leaving their kids with their boyfriends. The same goes for dads leaving kids with their girlfriends. basically they should just not do it, no matter what. Now everyone can tell me that this is just not possible, but I am a solo mum of 4 kids. My youngest is 18 months and I DO NOT go out unless I take my kids with me. My eldest daughter is 15 and I could get her to babysit, but I wont even do that as I have seen how easily she can get pissed off and lose her temper with my youngest even though I know she loves him to bits. Its hard and it sucks not having a social life, but the joy and happyness I get from my kids is all worth it. I actually don’t even want a partner anymore as all I ever do is end up really unhappy as make bad choices when choosing partners, so its easier just not to go there, way happier now. But anyway that’s the only way I can see maybe a slight decline in innocent kids being hurt or murdered, is if mum or dad DONT leave them with their partner to be babysit

    • Amanda Storrs

      Honestly it depends on the situation. I was divorced with two children. Eventually I got into a relationship (currently engaged to him and we are expecting our second child together). At some point in a long term relationship you accept that person into your life, your house, and your family. However he was introduced slowly into my children’s lives. They were 3 and 5 at the time. He wasn’t alone with them for a long time and when he finally was, it was for very short periods of time (dropping them off at dance class for example). He’s an amazing man who treats my oldest two as his own and a great father to our child together. So to say to NEVER do it isn’t fair to those of us who have taken the precautionary steps needed to make sure our children are safe with whoever they’re with. I think the difference is allowing someone to watch your children because you trust them and know they are good caretakers versus having a boyfriend/girlfriend watch them because “you don’t know what else to do” or because it’s easier.

  • Silky

    I found this site this morning and was telling my husband about it, while for some people it is a thing of gossip, I’d like you to know what I said, I told him that we know people who don’t want to hear about these kinds of things, it disturbs them too much, but for me I think that somewhere, someone will read these stories learn about the signs of abuse, and if ever encountered they will make that important phone call to save a child’s life
    Being a victim of abuse myself, I’ve called the police twice to help a child who needed it, as well as calling cps as well for another group of kids. I told this to my father and of course got a clearly disapproving look, I made sure he knew that I wish someone had done that for me, he knew what was happening to me and didn’t do anything to get me out of my mothers care, I ended up in a coma from a suicide attempt at 15, not expected to live but did and then a mental hospital for many months,Even the psychiatrist didn’t want me to go home and told me I was legally allowed to leave home at 16, he said my mother and her husbands home was not a good place for me. I left home less than a year later. I believe what your are doing here is a good thing and will help someone, even if it helps only one child,it is all worth it.

  • edrebber

    Could you aggregate the suspicious ads on Craigslist and Badkpage and post them as they appear? That might prevent the crimes from happening.

  • constance

    Add a “report abuse” button with state options. Pass the link around on social media. Dont stop trench. These kids deserve to be heard. They deserve our love and empathy

    • http://trenchreynolds.me/ Trench Reynolds

      Thanks Constance. I’ll work on that.

  • Alvin Tan

    Dear Trench,
    I am a medical doctor, and I would like to encourage you not to give up the good work you are doing here.
    Your site is an example of informal activism and information-sharing to provoke public anger and outrage against what are obviously inhuman crimes worthy of, in my opinion, a Nuremberg-style judgement on the perpetrators.
    It is inevitable that any discussion place will become, to some extent, a location for gossip. This happened too to the Roman Forum, the Greek agoras… You are in good company and are doing something right if people are talking on your site. Just so long as the gossip is relevant and not illegal or malicious.
    Keep up the good work. Both in medicine and elsewhere, one of the really effective ways to effect changes is via public opinion, and I believe your site is doing its own little part in making things right.

    • http://trenchreynolds.me/ Trench Reynolds

      Thank you. Dr. Tan.

    • Jenny R.

      OT… Is there any chance you’re the Alvin Tan that worked/d in a Dallas area emergency room and rescued an extreme premie from the hospital toilet?

      • Alvin Tan

        No, I’ve worked in Malaysia all my life

  • kslave

    It wouldn’t help prevent child abuse but what about starting petitions to the prosecutors or judges asking for the maximum sentence allowable for the people who do these terrible, horrible things to the sweet, innocent children that are so undeserving of the crimes done to them? There are times I read your site and just bawl my eyes out. If they are in jail longer then that is less time they are around children.

  • M.Martin

    I am sorry to hear you feel that way about this site. I am a huge fan and come here nearly every day. I, as do many of your readers, feel a new sense of responsibility and empowerment with each story I read. I am no longer afraid to speak up if I see a child being neglected or abused. I am more aware than ever of the dangers of “minding my own business”. As has already been said, if this saves even one child from abuse or death then the site is doing its job. I would love information on other ways to help the cause, to change laws, to catch these criminals, to donate to a fund for child abuse survivors, or anything else proactive that we can do. There are a lot of us out here, put us to work! We are passionate about this subject and I think that if we work together we can make a big difference.

  • ocruz

    This site has definitely made me more aware of the ugly truth. It has taught me to be more aware and has given me the courage and confidence to interfere when I see something that I know isn’t right. Before I started visiting this site, I was afraid to speak up because I didn’t want to be over dramatic. Now, because of this site, I can’t stand silently if I suspect ANY sort of child abuse.

  • ocruz

    This site has definitely made me more aware of the ugly truth. It has taught me to be more aware and has given me the courage and confidence to interfere when I see something that I know isn’t right. Before I started visiting this site, I was afraid to speak up because I didn’t want to be over dramatic. Now, because of this site, I can’t stand silently if I suspect ANY sort of child abuse.

  • Alexandra1973

    I think it helps in a way because it puts people on notice: this behavior is not acceptable. Public shaming.

    You also have to look at your motives. Are you posting/reading it to make yourself feel better about yourself (like the Biblical account of the Pharisee and the publican), or to make yourself aware/be informed?

    Perhaps someone will read the posts and think, wow, I don’t think I’m doing right by my child, how can I do better?

  • K

    Hey Mr. Trench Reynolds, Dustin McCord has been proven innocent. Just wanted to let you know so maybe you can take him off bad breeders. If you need a link or proof I will send some as soon as it is on the news. Court was today and he was dismissed of all charges. Thank you have and have a blessed day

  • Christina w

    A mugshot board would be nice only with the people getting out of prison. This site has shown me what to look out for when people are around my kids. I hate the helpless feeling that I get from seeing these stories and most of the time its to late to help the child but the ones who made should have something set up so we can show them that there is people that care for them. I love the scholarship idea.

    • DMaria Faraj

      Yes! Also more updates, so many stories on here are hard to find follow ups.

  • Amanda Hayes

    ok, suggestions!
    – start a charity for survivors of abuse with a scholorship program
    – showcase an organization that is helping kids/families (great idea, Katie)
    – have a hotline set up, or email address where the public can send anonymous tips of abuse/neglect that can be forwarded to the proper authorities

    that’s all I can think of right now? does anyone have anything to add?

  • Nell Torres

    HI Trench-I think that BB has accomplished its goal of getting more people aware of the abuses concerning our children. Personally it has created a sense of duty in me to protect not just my babies but all babies…I strongly believe BB readers are less likely to be those who, “heard something…but never said something.” If all this saves just one teensy life then nothing was in vain. I’d like to read more about how we can make changes…like protecting our rights. Highlighting court cases where good parents were threatened and what can we do to protect ourselves and families.

  • Katie

    I agree about providing info to prevent child abuse. Maybe there can be a weekly showcase about a particular person or organization that’s working really hard to help kids. The articles have a lot of complaints about social workers or case managers that aren’t doing their jobs, but many are & they don’t get the recognition they deserve. Maybe readers can submit nominations. I think this site helps to keep us from lapsing into “mind my own business” mode when it comes to parenting & protecting kids. It reminds us of the dangers of complacency & the stark reality of evil.

  • Truth be Told

    Maybe if you hate it so much, u should hand it over to someone who has a passion & will actually bring attention to fighting child abuse.

    • Amanda Hayes

      This comment isn’t helping. I would like to see you open up your email every day and find article after article of children being killed, beaten, raped , starved, etc.. and still be the same person afterwards. Trench hasn’t said he wants to give up, he is asking for help. You want to bring attention to fighting child abuse? Great idea. Give some suggestions, please.

      • DMaria Faraj

        Excellent comment

    • http://trenchreynolds.me/ Trench Reynolds

      I’ve tried that in the past. I’ve tried selling it and tried giving it away. No takers.

      • Angel

        Sorry I’ve been gone so long…I’d be glad to help out again, if you want some help. Just let me know….. I’m still dealing with a few issues of my own, but I should be able to post a few stories a week if you are interested. I’d hate to see the site fold, and I just don’t think it would be the same without you, Trench. You are truly one of the most courageous people I know. Don’t lose heart….lots of people love you, and appreciate what you do here – I happen to be one of them.

      • Angel

        I decided to take your lack of response as approval. I posted a story. I will likely post others this week as well. If you want me to stop, let me know – otherwise, I’ll assume I have your permission.

    • survivor23

      Every story Trench mentions how to prevent child abuse and cares. Just think it is stating to get to hard. Its not east to read about, or deal with child abuse. My honest opinion this site is very educational.

  • Ding

    I think that in addition to posting child abuse stories,we can also feature ways to possibly prevent child abuse.

  • Aussie Sabbath

    I think it should be more about how to prevent child abuse, updates on laws concerning child abuse etc. We could keep the case posts because that does draw readers, but throw in more informative stuff to temper it out.