Tag Archives: pregnant

So this drunk bitch walks into a tattoo shop…

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Drunk, pregnant mother arrested in Houston after leaving baby in car to get piercing
Drunk, pregnant mom leaves baby in car to get piercing, police say
Pregnant DUI

Drunk and Pregnant, and in desperate need of a piercing.

Stop me if you’ve heard this one. One little detail I failed to mention in my joke-opener is that she was  pregnant too, which we all know is no fucking laughing matter.

Stephanie Irene Santana, 20, of Houston, TX walked into a tattoo shop to get a piercing this morning around 2:40am. While that seems like a bit of a weird time to get an itching for a new hole in your body, just wait. …. Stephanie was 7-months preggo and hammered to boot.  She asked how long the wait was, because her baby was in the car. The folks at the tattoo shop refused service to her because of her inebriated state and promptly called the po-po on her ass after following her to her car because, “I could tell she was on something.”

When the police arrived, they found her passed out in the front seat of her running car sleeping off her buzz and her 1-year old baby girl in the passenger seat next to her.  Unbelievable! When the cops searched her car, they found empty beer bottles and xanax in the diaper bag! The DIAPER BAG! Fuck me.

She was arrested on charges of driving while intoxicated, endangering a child, and possession of a controlled substance and was taken to the hospital to get checked out.  Her little girl was placed in the care of child protective services.

Fucking irresponsible dolt. I sincerely hope that someone willing and able can care for those babies while she fucking shapes up.  If there’s hope for her shaping up, that is.

Silver lining? No dead kids and that makes this a good fucking day.

Thanks to Venus and Samantha for the tips.

Let’s play “Guess what’s in January Newport’s vagina”

January Newport (left)

 

Police: Pregnant inmate carrying more than baby

Victimless Crime Files: Shot Out Drug Skank Found with Drug Stash … In Her Cervix! 

Is it bigger than a bread box?  Nooooo.  Is it something that you can wear?  Nope – Guess again…..  Give up?  Well, prior to delivering her baby via C-section, nurses examined pregnant inmate, January Newport (24).  They found more than a baby in that handy snatch of hers.  Miss Newport had her a fucking pharmacy tucked away in her Hell cavern.  From the looks of her picture, I’m thinking she has a little more going on with that vast chasm than just the anxiety meds she was stashing.  It’s probably a good movie plot for the next Indiana Jones movie: Indiana Jones – Escape from the Treacherous Twat (I was gonna go with Treacherous Trench, but I didn’t want to offend our fearless leader).

The pregnant pill hoarder was arrested the day before trying to pilfer a computer from a Walmart.  I’m guessing it wasn’t so she could keep track of her baby’s development on babycenter.com.  Perhaps she could use it to see her skanky ass gracing the pages of Bad Breeders.  It seems that the Cincinnati police are not in the habit of conducting routine body cavity searched on new inmates.  They probably took one look at Count Skankula and decided that it was an OSHA hazard.

There was no word on the newborn.  Hopfully it’s healthy and on its way to a new mommy that is less likely to pass STD’s to all of its high school friends.  Newport pleaded guilty to theft and illegal conveyance of drugs of abuse.  I’m guessing we haven’t seen the last of her.

Thanks go to DodiaFae for posting this one in the Open Thread.

“I want a soft shell and this is a stickup. Give me all your money”

Drunken mom-to-be armed with hammer accused in fast-food robbery attempt

Okay.  This story has so much “What the fuck” and several elements of “painfully dumb”. 

That vision of fugliness there is 38year-old Julie Bailey of La Crosse, WI.  38?  Really?  Not only is Julie knocked up, but she is painfully fucking dumb.  That is the only reasonable explanation for her marching up in a Taco John’s restaurant with a hammer and demanding a soft shell taco and all their money.  Whaddatard.  To make make matters worse, the stupid bitch couldn’t get the hammer out of the pocket of her shorts.  I don’t know how the cashier contained his laughter long enough to press the panic button, but he did.  He even called 911 while Julie struggled with her weapon.  Haaaahaaaaaaaa  Julie did one thing smart – she ran her ass the Hell out of Taco John’s with out her dinner or any money.  I guess she knew that she was no match for a minimum wage employee with their name on their shirt.

What makes this drunk, pregnant, hammer wielding whore on probabation’s actions even worse (as if it could get worse) – She didn’t attempt to rob the restaurant for money for prenatal care, rent, or food.  She did it for drug money for her roomie, 51-year-old Bruce Collins, who was kind enough to supply the dumb bitch with the hammer.

When Bailey was arrested her BAC was 0.21 which wins her 6th place on the BB BAC Board (if our fearless leader would be so kind as to put her on it).  She was jailed on $10,000 cash bond and is facing charges of attempted armed robbery and obstructing officers.  It seems that a probation violation charge is in order, and maybe a hysterectomy after the birth of her child (which should be placed in a loving home IMMEDIATELY and never have the knowledge of knowing its gestation device)

Collins is jailed on a $5,000 cash bond and may be charged with being party to the crime of attempted armed robbery and bail jumping. 

Maybe someone can answer some of my questions – 1) Who in the fuck slept with this fugly skank?  2) Who in the fuck would go up in that fugly skank with out wrapping their schtick?  3) What in the helluvit made her think that a hammer was the perfect companion for an armed robbery?  4) Did she really think she could get away with it?  Oh… I could go on and on, but It’s late and I just don’t care to know any more about this jizz receptacle  than I have to.  Stupid is as stupid does, I guess. 

Thanks go to tipster Cory for this tale of dumbassery and epic failure.

Pregnant woman has a .20 BAC

8 months pregnant upstate woman charged with drunken driving:

That classic mugshot comes to us courtesy of 28-year-old Jennifer Caruso of of Wynantskill, N.Y. She was arrested for DUI when a state trooper pulled her over. She blew a mighty .20 BAC and allegedly had weed in the car as well.

And, oh yeah by the way, she’s 8 months pregnant.

Even though this is a stellar act of bad parenting and total disregard for the life of her unborn child it only gets her second place on the BAC board.

Thanks to Chantel for the tip.

Stepfather guilty of impregnating 9-year-old girl

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ronca.jpgWilliam Edward Ronca has been found guilty of criminal sexual conduct with a minor. He will face 25 years in prison.

Both the biological parents had no idea the girl was pregnant until a school guidance councilor alerted the mother. The girl had been acting withdrawn and ceased participating in school. She was promptly taken to the hospital to confirm the pregnancy.

The girl, now 10, was found to be seven to eight months pregnant. Ronca was immediately arrested.

Ronca plead guilty, admitting to having sex with the girl once or twice a week for about two years.

If you ask me, he got off with a light sentence. If I were the biological father, he’d be making a trip to the morgue and not prison.

Donald Mauldin Kills Three-Year-Old Alyssa Carver by Throwing Her Against Wall

carver-mauldin.jpgDonald Mauldin, 25, of Summerville, SC threw Brandy Carver’s three-year old daughter Alyssa against a wall, causing a skull fracture and severe brain damage. (Brandy, 22, is Donald’s fiance.) The child died after nearly a month on life support. Donald was charged with homicide by child abuse.

Mauldin told officers he heard a loud thump and found the girl lying motionless on the floor. An emergency room nurse told police that the brain injury wouldn’t have happened from a fall. Also, Alyssa was bruised and had a fresh break to a bone. Finally, she recently had a cast removed for a broken thigh bone. Police are investigating that injury as well.

Just when you couldn’t think this story could get any worse – seven hours after Alyssa died, Brandy gave birth Donald’s baby girl, Lucy. The baby is in custody of social services because Brandy admitted that she smoked marijuana every day to relieve morning sickness. They also have custody of Alyssa’s 17-month-old sister. Police have charged Brandy with unlawful conduct toward a child. And they’ve charged her and Donald with possession with intent to distribute marijuana.

Let’s count how many risk factors are present, shall we? Pot smoking pregnant mom with a pot smoking boyfriend. Mom knocked up by new boyfriend, but had two kids with another guy(s). Mom leaves kids alone with boyfriend while she’s at work. Previous injuries to kid, like bruises and broken bones. It all adds up to one dead kid and two others in protective custody – tragic.

Sherri Lohnstein Gets Smashed before Giving Birth, Killing Baby

Drunk momsMan, you gotta give Sherri Lohnstein an ounce of credit. When her 2 lb. baby died shortly after birth in September, she knew the reason: she had gotten drunk the night she went into labor. Lab tests confirmed that the child was born with a blood alcohol level of 0.17%, more than two times the legal driving limit. That’s only two-hundredths more sober than Gus van Sant, for crying out loud.

Dr. Mary Case, medical examiner for St. Charles County, said she had never seen a case in which a mom had drunk her baby to death. Indeed, the only case that leaps to my mind immediately is that of Melissa Irene Tanner, whose baby was born with a BAC of 0.21%. But Tanner’s child survived (though I can’t find an update on whether the kid sustained any logn-term damage). Also, Tanner’s child was over six pounds at birth, which tells me that Lohnstein was abusing drink in her pregnancy much earlier and much more heavily than Tanner did. (UPDATE: As Lohnstein’s sister notes in a comment below, Lohnstein gave birth prematurely, so the weight comparison is invalid. I haven’t read the full coroner’s report yet to determine whether the premature birth was a direct result of alcoholism.)

But, hey, let’s not be too hard on the 33-year-old mom. (Well, former mom.) Look at her last name: “Lohnstein”. Doesn’t that sound like a low-quality lager? You might’ve well as named her “Michelob”.

I kid, of course. The bitch should totally fry for this. And that’s no joke.

(Hat tip: Chelle)

Marta L. Patel: Crack-Addled Pregnant Mama Cracks up Her Car

Crack cocaineToday, Parents Behaving Badly presents a few simple rules for a happy, healthy pregnancy.

Rule #1: Don’t smoke crack when 9 months pregnant.

Rule #2: Don’t get behind the wheel of a car after smoking crack when 9 months pregnant.

Rule #3: Don’t fall asleep after getting behind the wheel of a car after smoking crack when 9 months pregnant.

Rule #4: Don’t run into another vehicle after falling asleep behind the wheel of a car after smoking crack when 9 months pregnant.

Rule #5: If you violate Rules 1 through 4, have the same good sense as Marta L. Patel and cop to the whole sordid mess. But don’t tell cops that this is “the first time you’ve smoked crack”, as this is likely a crock of shit. No one’s going to believe that you suddenly got a hankerin’ for rock cocaine a few days short of giving birth. In the real world, we call that “addict behavior”.

Tattooed, Pregnant Cat Burglar Buys Marlboros after Theft

107600.jpgSo let’s say you’re nine months pregnant. There’s something about pregnancy that makes you want to steal things. (After all, the last time you were pregnant, you stole another maternity ward patient’s purse.)

I find it pretty impressive that you were able to climb into a kitchen window in your delicate state. You want the karaoke machine? Okay, that’s not my cup of tea, but you may as well take it while you’re stealing the credit cards.

I was even willing to forgive you the shamrock tattoo on your boob. But then you go and ruin it all by buying a carton of Marlboro Reds with the stolen credit cards. Danielle, couldn�t you have bought some diapers or formula or Balmex to go along with the cigarettes?

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