Bad Breeders

Parenting so bad, it's criminal

Ask BB: Just A Dad who needs help

Again I apologize in being so late to post this. Hopefully it’s not too late but we received the following e-mail asking advice on what to do about his son and the birth organism…

I am currently fighting for custody of my son against a mother who has been reported more than 10 times in the last few years for child neglect and abuse. She has 3 children 2 by a previous relationship and my son who is only 2 1/2. According to CPS reports the school has called CPS because her older son comes to school stinky, dirty, in girls clothes, hungry, and jumping on other children humping them and making sexual noises. Neighbors have talked to CPS and advised the son breaks into their homes and steals food, begs them to feed him, runs away from home and hides in their closets, and the latest that one of the numerous men living in the home touches him in his private area. My ex was given timesharing 50/50 and out of 11 visits with mom was taken either to his pediatrician or the ER 9 times. I have shown proof of her neglect, I have witnesses willing to testify, and I have Domestic Violence reports to prove her boyfriend(the latest of many) beats women and is a raging time bomb.

My son has to have surgery now on his head due to a hematoma caused by blunt trauma to his head on visit number 2 by visit number 3 I had to rush him to the ER with a black eye, a belt strap bruise to his upper left arm, severe bruising and was treated as if I had just abused my son. Well so far CPS has failed they opened the cases but couldn’t keep up with her since she has moved 6 times in 6 weeks and then a judge saw fit to give her only supervised visits with a DV injunction on behalf of my son so CPS saw fit not to chase her any longer and close the case with no indicators because they say they no longer feared for his safety because mom wasn’t alone with him any longer. Well now the DVI has expired and with the CPS report being closed with no indicators the same judge has now agreed until custody can be decided that my son should now go back to 50/50 timesharing with mom now out of state(she ran) for 2 weeks a month. I feel for every child that you are reporting about, but please help me do something for my son before he becomes one of your stories. Please if anyone can help me I am watching and will do whatever it takes to protect my son…. Just a Dad looking for help

Again I have to preface this by saying that we are not legal experts here at BB and following any advice given is at your own risk.

I would definitely recommend documenting every scratch and bruise that he show’s up to your home with and get copies of all his medical records. Those go a long way in legal battles.

What about you Breeder Readers? Do you have any advice for this dad?

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30 Comments

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  1. He needs a lawyer, STAT, who can raise hell with CPS and the judge.  The custody order needs to be amended so that she cannot take the child out of state.  I basically dislike hese “Father Power” groups, but this man could get some good advice from one of those.

  2. GET AN ATTORNEY.  You do NOT have to wait for CPS if you have evidence of abuse.  Report her to the police EVERY SINGLE TIME THE CHILD IS INJURED BY HER.  Seriously, make a “federal case” out of every single incident until she is willing to sign over her parental rights to you.

    Learn the laws of your state (AND HERS) inside and out regarding child custody, what constitutes abuse, parental rights and responsibilities, everything.  You must fight for your son or he will DIE.  CPS is too overburdened, and doesn’t care overall if one kid dies, there are always more.  But he is your baby, so YOU take the lead and work to save him.

    If she is now out of state,  DO NOT take the child to her.  If she wants him, she has to come and get him.  If she misses her times, that’s her problem.  But you go to pick him up.  ALWAYS be on time and ready, and TAKE A WITNESS every time you deal with her, and/or RECORD EVERYTHING.

    I bet once you show your evidence to your attorney, they will be willing and able to get what is best for you and your son.  That is why they exist.  They know the shortcuts and rules, and how to bend them to achieve their clients’ goal.  Well worth the money.  What is your boy worth to you?

    Best of luck, it’s gonna be tough, but I’m praying it works out okay.

    1. while I agree with your advice to get an attorney I just wanted to comment on your comment that CPS “doesnt care overall if one kid dies, there are always more”. Thats ridiculous. I work for CPS, if we didnt care if a child dies why would we be putting ourselves through the hell of the job everyday? You have no idea the strength it takes to work there.

  3.  

    Call the cops & CPS (both/EVERY TIME) you fear child is
    being harmed or neglected and Try to be as specific as you can. Each
    child abuse report is a snapshot of what is going on, the more information that
    you can provide, the better the chance of getting the best care for your child.
    Get an attorney and start proceedings to gain full custody of your child and
    terminate the abuser’s parental rights. Hope you get your child out of that
    place.  May I suggest getting a new judge too.

  4. I would say take him and run away as fast and far as you can. The courts, judges, CPS will never help you. I took my two kids and moved over a thousand miles away. He filed for custody I’m our home state. We went to trial and I represented myself. I won full custody but he got 2 months visitation over the summer. Even thought I had police reports and photos of the bruises and scars he put on my body. They threw that crap at me,”Father’s Rights” over the years I never knew who was watching them or where they were at. Several times over the years I had many concerns when they would return over bizarre behavior. But I was told over and over I had no proof of anything. I took them to counselors and was told they were fine. In the end they both developed eating disorders and would steal and hoard food. Even though I never limited their food intake. I took them for exams by their dr who told me he didn’t feel that they were doing it because they were hungry. My daughter began lying all the time. When she would get in trouble the lies became bigger and bigger. She finally went to the school and told them I was abusing her and starving her. CPS came to my house and always saw and clean well stocked home. Enough people at my daughters school got involved and we were investigated again. During the investigation we found out that she had been beating and molesting her little sister, and having sex with her big brother. We were devastated. We all got into therapy and I found out that whatever they were exposed to with her father’s family was the cause. After fighting to gain back custody of my other children and the case being closed. I was told by the caseworker after reviewing all of our case that the system had failed us, and that she was so sorry. I have not been able to bring my daughter home. I’m am afraid that I could lose my other children if she began lying again. Because I was told by the guardian ad lidem. You are guilty until proven otherwise. So the system is just a big fucking failure. They can not protect our children!!!! We have to do that for ourselves!!! I’m so sorry for you, because you sound like a father who really, really loves your child.

  5. Jinxed gave awesome advice!

    Sorry you and your son are going thru this. Alls I have to offer is a virtual hug and prayers for you both.

  6. You need a family law attorney who is well versed in child abuse cases. You need to implore CPS to reopen the case, and keep after them. You need to have your attorney file for modification of the custody agreement preventing her boyfriend from being present during her time with the child. Request supervised visits and primary physical custody. Ask for everything, and take whatever the judge gives you. Refuse mediation. Request a guardian ad litem to represent your child. Make sure your documentation is impeccable, make sure your pictures are large, and dated. You need to present a documented timeline to show when the child was with mom and pictures to show what injuries your child had after he returned to you. Be organized, use note cards and document everything good luck to you

  7. Document everything!  Get an attorney, call to talk to your son every morning and night to make sure that he is okay while in her care, and maybe consider moving away for awhile, until everything is under control. There may be repercussions but that is better than losing your son.  Get a new judge.

  8. Find out what the law are in your state. Keep calling CPS. be relentless in documenting EVERYTHING. The hospital should have hot lined her when you took him in for the belt straps and black eyes. Keep your child!
    Most of all, get an attorney. You’re gonna need one!

  9. Don’t wait. Just run. If you go far enough, you’ll be fine. If she’s the sort of woman you’re describing, she’s just taking the visitation to hurt you. Not because she cares about seeing your son. This means if you make it difficult enough, she’ll be too lazy to act. Also, if her resources are limited, she’ll put them to more selfish use than hunting you down. Unless she gets a court order, she can’t have you arrested. And to get a court order, you need to retain and pay for a lawyer. If she doesn’t have those sort of funds, PLEASE just run. Do not wait for bureaucrats to help you, it will be too late. Take your boy and get far away from her and her evil household. Even if you have to live in a shelter, at least your son will be with his father who loves him and wants to protect him.

  10. Also, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I’ll pray for you every day. Having a little boy not much older than yours, this just absolutely breaks my heart and soul to pieces. You’re his only chance, please protect him.

  11. I agree with Jinxed!

    “If she is now out of state,  DO NOT take the child to her.  If she wants him, she has to come and get him.  If she misses her times, that’s her problem.  But you go to pick him up.  ALWAYS be on time and ready, and TAKE A WITNESS every time you deal with her, and/or RECORD EVERYTHING.”

    Don’t make things easy for her… force her to make the effort and keep documents of EVERY interaction you are present for. Keep a diary, take photos when you drop off and pick up that are time stamped for proof. And above all you MUST get an attorney. Best of luck… It’s a scary situation.

  12. Please read about Ethan Stacy and reconsider doing this the “proper” way. Now that I’ve read your post, I can’t stop thinking of little Ethan and the similarities you’ve described. Here’s a link to Ethan’s story. I am sorry if this upsets you. http://fatherhood.about.com/b/2010/05/16/the-ethan-stacy-tragedy.htm

    1. I wrote about him here. Ethan could have been saved if the mother was denied visitation….. sigh.

      1. Oh God I just read it again, I fucking hate that lying wench and her pedo meat stick more than words can describe. At least they’re both eligible for death. Here’s hoping they introduce a new option for carrying out the sentence, something where the spinal cord is severed and horny, ravenous hyenas are involved maybe..

  13. Check the laws in your state, but I know that here in my stats (MA, where I work as a paralegal), you go to the probate & family court, and file for an emergency order. The judge will grant this, as they usually do, especially with the amount of documentation you have, and a sheriff will accompany you to pick up your child and serve the she-beast sausage wallet with the order from the courT> All of this cal be done in One day. As A Plaintiff, you do not immediately need an attorney.

  14. IMO definately take pictures of the injuries as well as documentation from the emergency room/dr visits.  Go to the police with this info as well as sherrif dept, anyone that will listen, hopefully someone will do something about it.  I wouldn’t let her have him…I’d refuse & tell her to call the police then give them the pictures & documetation…just a thought.  Good luck…

  15. My advice is, from now on watch who you have unprotected sex with.

  16. Notes Notes Notes, take notes about every thing no matter how small and petty it may seem, and whatever you do DON”T let anyone have your originals. Make copies yourself for them. Things have a way of mysteriously getting lost in an amazingly brief moment when you don’t have a back up copy for yourself. Best of luck to you and your son

  17. Go file for immediately temporary custody, go to dadsrights.com tons of info there, the best of luck to you.

  18. Find a non-extradition country & GTFO of the USA with your baby!

  19. Write your mayor, your governor, your congressman.  Send them pictures that you’ve already taken and sent to DSS or CPS what ever its called in your area.  Go to the news! Take it where ever you have to and as far up as you have to.  What ever you do, please do not take matters into your own hands.  May the Lord bless you and keep you and your child safe.

    1. Please don’t take offense, but I have to disagree. If you’ve read any number of these type of stories, you will see that waiting on officials to help you in situations as desperate as the one this father has described will all too often end in tragedy.

      The urgency is never there for those who sit behind desks. They have to follow protocol. Children’s lives outvalue protocol in my opinion. I agree with Skye, and stand by my original statement. A loving parent is a child’s only real chance at survival. This man needs to take that baby and run.

      Ethan Stacy was dead within 10 days of living with his bio-mom. There is no time to waste.

  20. CPS almost never gets involved if the child has a second household.  They can’t remove the child if they see he has a second, safe home.
    You can keep calling on her to document it but don’t rely on them to keep him safe.
    Everytime he sees her, call the police in her hometown for a checkup.  Or better yet, don’t send him.
    I was told over and over I had to send my kids.  So was Robert Manwell’s father.  If you feel your kids are in danger, you are allowed to not send them.
    The system counts on the parents first to keep the kids safe.  So do it.
    If you don’t send them and she calls the cops, show them your proof.  Tell them she keeps moving and is now out of state.  You have a right to know where they are.
    It is worth a chance that she may not bother coming to get him.
    If she does get him.  Ask the police to do a welfare check.  If the abuse is that bad, they will remove him from the home.
    I wish you luck.  No matter how hard it is, find a way to get a lawyer and fight this, tooth and nail.
    If you can prove that level of abuse, it is horrible that the judge still wants 50/50.

    1. Yes i agree with RavenDreams do what you need to do to keep your child safe and out of harms way, cause she to me doesn’t give two damns about his welfare and i would too hate to see him end up another story on b.b. My prayers go out to you and i hope for the best. 🙂

  21. Have her killed its her life or ur sons, nobody found no crime commited just another missing person. Goodluck i hope everything works out

  22. Lil_pippi13, I thought the very same thing.  AC/DC has the right idea, Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap…

  23. File for an emergency temporary restraining order. With your evidence and testimony there should be no reason why a judge would not grant it. I would also do everything legally if you want to maintain custody. Then find an attorney with family law experience. Good luck!

  24. You definitely need a lawyer. I don’t know what state you are in, but in Florida, you CANNOT just pick up and move with your kids after divorce and  custody arrangements have been made. You must appeal to the court and prove why the move is necessary and receive the court’s permission to relocate with your children. 

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