Bad Breeders

Parenting so bad, it's criminal

Bleach: The New Albuterol

Florida dad jailed after giving baby bleach; he thought it would help her asthma

Hey, Parents, guess what? No more lengthy waits in the doctor’s office are needed for your kids who have asthma! No more expensive medications! Now, you can cure your child of this horrific breathing disorder by simply feeding them BLEACH!!! NO! Not really. But, apparently a father in Florida has spent too much time sniffing bleach fumes (or something stronger?) himself, and thought that a cap full of bleach was just what was needed to improve his two-month old daughter’s breathing problem.

Little Caelynn Washington is recovering in a Gainesville, FL, hospital after her father added bleach to her bottle and fed it to her. He said he thought it would improve her breathing, because “someone had told him it would”. Yeah, I remember those days…I had friends tell me all manner of things when I had my first child. Luckily, I had the requisite number of brain cells to distinguish between good and bad advice. For instance, I had one friend tell me that giving my child tylenol would help her sleep at night. I’m sure it would, but Tylenol is not a sleeping aid for babies, and I figured my babies slept quite enough without that nutritional additive, thankyouverymuch. I was also told that rubbing whiskey on my baby’s gums would help with teething. Again, are you freakin’ kidding me?!? You don’t give alcohol – in any form – to a baby. Teething rings worked fine, and were much cheaper than a bottle of Jack – and reusable, as well.

Apparently, 20 year old Carron Washington, of Ocala, FL, has fewer brain cells than a dead turnip, however. He thought that the bleach would help his daughter. Right. Sorry, folks, I don’t buy it. No one with an education higher than third grade would think that bleach is an acceptable medical treatment for anything, except, perhaps, assisted euthanasia. Which I also disagree with, by the way. This guy’s sister has told reporters that her brother made an honest mistake, because this was his first child, and he didn’t know it would harm the child. Again…right…not so much. Did he drink any of this ‘miracle cure’ himself? I think not. I’m sure if he had, he would have realized that the burning sensation caused by the bleach as it traveled down the esophagus was not an indication of healing properties. Besides, as anyone who has ever cleaned with bleach knows, it has a warning right on the bottle that states there should be adequate ventilation while using the product because it can CAUSE respiratory problems. In simplified terms, the fumes from bleach can burn the lining of the lungs. So, how in blue Hell did this guy think DRINKING such a toxic substance would help his child’s asthma? He didn’t. I don’t buy it, and I hope he gets sent to jail until his baby is grown. Who knows, next time, he might try giving her gasoline thinking it will make her run faster. Or antifreeze to cool her off when she has a fever.

If ever there was a time to enact a law punishing criminal stupidity, this is it. It has long been my opinion that such high levels of stupidity should be accompanied by excruciating pain, so that the idiots who think up such asininity would be so incapacitated by the pain that they would be unable to move well enough to act upon such thoughts. And if wishes were nickels, I’d be a millionaire.

Carron Washington is being held on $25,000.00 bond and has been ordered to stay away from Caelynn when she is released from the hospital. Oh, and in the article, it mentioned that when the baby threw up, the “parents” called 911. If the mother was at home at the time and was a party to this ill-conceived ‘medical treatment’, then why is she not being charged as well? Just a little something to wonder about, I guess.

Well, I need to go and give my kids their medicine, now. I think I’ll let them have a cup of Tide detergent instead of bothering with those long tedious baths. And give them Miracle-Gro plant food to help them grow strong and healthy. After all it says right on the bottle of plant food that it will strengthen and make plants grow faster – so it should work for the kids, too, huh? No, I’m not really gonna give that stuff to my kids…because I’m not stupid.

Sorry for the snarkiness of my post – wait, no I’m not. I’m only sorry I couldn’t come up with something even more harsh to say about the stupidity of this moron. I must be slipping.

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14 Comments

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  1. HOW in the world would someone get the idea that bleach is a cure for asthma? Maybe next time this guy needs medical care the nurse can mix bleach with HIS meal.

    1. “HOW in the world would someone get the idea that bleach is a cure for asthma?”
      I’ve been puzzling over this all day. I thought I was up on wacky home remedies, but I have never heard of this one before. Bleach is used topically for fungal infections such as ringworm (works great, btw. The only problem is, it leaves a nasty chemical burn behind) but this is the first I’ve heard of anyone drinking it. Maybe he saw someone cleaning a nebulizer or vaporizer with bleach, and being a few crayons short of a rainbow, thought that the bleach was the asthma medecine. Whatever way he came up with his brilliant idea, it’s pretty clear that this man is too stupid to be parenting. Or breathing without supervision, really.

      1. No, he said a friend told him about this ‘remedy’. Perhaps someone should check to see if his ‘friend’ has any children, and if so, whether they are still alive….

  2. BLEACH??? That stuff makes asthma worse! I can get using whiskey to ease teething pains (alcohol is an antiseptic and a mild anasthetic) but I can’t imagine using bleach for anything medical except for sterilising equipment or maybe putting it on fungal infections. Maybe this idiot should’ve tried bleach as a contraceptive instead…

  3. As the owner of a cleaning company and an asthmatic, I can only promise ya’ll that bleach doesn’t do asthma and favors. This poor baby girl! I read on a news site yesterday that this mental midget is a first year pre-med student. Thank God I live on the other side of the country from this fool is all I have to say. Well, that and no doctors under 45 for me, just in case Dr. Dipstick here moves…

    1. We use chlorinated cleaners at work for the floors (I work in a bar and in the hospitality industry, everything has to be near sterile). I don’t mind the smell, but I wouldn’t drink the stuff!

  4. I don’t believe that people who are this stupid have any right to raise children. I know it’s controversial but I don’t think people with mental retardation should be allowed to breed either (because the documented rate of abuse & neglect amongst children of these parents is much higher than the average). Anyone who thinks bleach is an acceptable thing to feed a person MUST be somewhat delayed.

  5. If you wouldn’t give it to yourself don’t give it to your kid. I would never give anything to my daughter, especially a home remedy, unless I try it first. If you wouldn’t put it in your mouth or ingest it, don’t try to act like you were doing something to “help” your baby.

  6. I’m fully expecting family/friends to start posting their support soon. This seems like exactly the kind of stupidity that loved ones of a moron would excuse.

  7. Umm..

    Didn’t he see that HUGE ASS SKULL AND CROSSBONE Graphic on the bleach jug? What the fuck? Guess he forgot his elementary school years when they taught the safety symbols on hazzardous goods.

    Explosive, Corrosive, and Poisonous. Bleach has the Skull and Crossbone surrounded by an octogon, which means poisonous..definitely poisonous. Then it has a triangle surrounding a skeletal hand for Caution, can be corrosive. I hope that baby makes a full comeback.

  8. BTW, Huffington Post says Bleach-cure guy was a a first year medical student.

  9. im curious if the baby even has asthma considering the baby was 2 months old.

    1. It was probably croup. That’s fairly common in babies.

  10. Um, I have several versions of what has really happened:
    a) Someone told him that as a stupid joke, and the father bought it.
    b) The baby did not have any respiratory illnesses and the father did this on purpose
    c) This was a freak accident and he thought that lying would make it sound better or to cover something up

    The third version is possible, and here’s why: one girl told me a story of how her mom cleans everything with vinegar, and once left a bottle of vinegar on the table, and it somehow looked identical to a milk bottle, so the girl ended up pouring vinegar to the poor baby’s bottle and giving it to the baby- and she did not realize something was wrong until baby started screaming- and after she tried the bottle contents herself. On another occasion, my own grandma grabbed a bottle of RUBBING ALCOHOL and claimed it looked like a gallon of baby’s water, and was about to give it to my son (now, my grandma can’t read english and has poor eyesight) but still I was appalled. So that’s why I’m saying that bleach could have been given to the baby on accident (or put into the bottle by someone else) and then he made the story because the truth would’ve sounded even more stupid. I dunno, in any case I hope it was an accident and not a deliberate action, and that the baby is OK.

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