Bad Breeders

Parenting so bad, it's criminal

Category: Ask BB

Emergency Ask BB: Upcoming visitation hearing

You know the drill. We’re not lawyers, take advice at own risk etc.

This is from one of our regulars, not saying who but please read and advise. Names have been changed to protect identities.

Hi, I am curious as to the groups thoughts on the following situation. We go to court in two days. The most I am willing to accept is supervised visitation.

Mr. Smith and I started dating in March of 2010. The relationship moved rather quickly and Mr. Smith was spending most of his time at my residence. The first sign that I had that something was not quite right was when I offered Mr. Smith a drawer in my bedroom and he took it as an invitation to move in. I was a little concerned about that but none of my roommates seemed to mind so I decided to go with it. Shortly after moving in, Mr. Smith was laid off from his employer and two out of my four roommates moved out.

The second sign that something was not right with Mr. Smith involved our landlords cat GiGi. GiGi was left in the house for my roommates and me to care for. GiGi had several health problems and was not a friendly cat. Mr. Smith decided that the best thing to do would be to take the cat out to his grandfather’s farm and shoot her. He did just that after catching her in some kind of animal cage. He told our landlord he had her euthanized at the veterinarian’s office.

Throughout the next year, Mr. Smith became a bully in our home. No matter what anyone else did, it was never good enough. He had not been able to hold a job and was unwilling to do even the smallest amount of housework. Another roommate moved out.

In February of 2011, I found out I was pregnant. The already tense relationships in our home become even worse. Mr. Smith became even more difficult to live with. In the first few months of my pregnancy, I asked Mr. Smith to sleep in another room under the guise of being uncomfortable. Mr. Smith made several statements during my pregnancy that left me frightened. He stated on multiple occasions that if we ever broke up he would fight me for full custody of our child because he had “a bigger support system than I did.” He threatened to just take off with the child if tried to keep our child away from him; he also threatened to kill the child for the same reason. He also stated that he would kill our child if it was born with Down syndrome or any other serious “defect.” I was miserable in the relationship and afraid to ask him to leave.

By the end of my pregnancy, Mr. Smith and I fought all the time and our last roommate moved out without an explanation. Our daughter was born on October 11, 2011 and it did not take long to figure out that this relationship could no longer last. However, Mr. Smith had gotten a job and I had just had a baby so I stayed despite my better judgment.

Five weeks later, Mr. Smith lost the new job and things became even worse. I could no longer financially support the household and Mr. Smith’s physical and mental health had declined. He mostly stayed in the house, without showering for days. I returned to work in the beginning of January. Mr. Smith stayed at home with the baby for around a month. In that time, I had walked in on him screaming at the baby to “Stop Fucking Crying.” He refused to clean her diaper area properly or give her a bath. On January 13, 2012, Mr. Smith called me at work irate that the baby was trying to put her hand and her pacifier in her mouth at the same time. I immediately contacted the director of the Early Childhood Care Center to see if they had an opening for Patience. I was told they would have a spot for her the 2nd week of February. I couldn’t wait that long so after a little more talking to people, I was able to get her in on January 31, 2012. I was so relieved to have her somewhere that I did not have to worry about her while working.

Mr. Smith was still not working and his health was continuing to decline. I had started making plans to leave. On March 4, 2012 Mr. Smith’s health had gotten too bad. Mr. Smith would not listen to me, so I called his father. I told his father that he needed to come take Mr. Smith to the hospital or take him home with him. I couldn’t take it anymore. During his stay in the hospital, Mr. Smith got mad at me for sharing his condition with his sister and told me I was a traitor for making him go the hospital. He was preliminarily diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. During our arguments while he was in the hospital I told Mr. Smith that I would deal with either his physical condition or his attitude. I would not deal with both. He promised to try to improve. He did not and things continued to get worse. It was during this time that Mr. Smith told me he did not love our daughter. I told him that he would never tell her that and that he would pretend to love her because of what having a father like him would do to her.

Mr. Smith and I broke up on May 2, 2012 after yet another argument in which he told me he would fight me for full custody of our daughter. The night of our breakup Mr. Smith begin to tell me that he was not sure if he wanted to be in our daughter’s life anymore. This was a threat that I heard many times over the next month while we made other living arrangements. On May 9, 2012 Mr. Smith sent me and his sister (whom he had broken ties with in April) an invitation to a cell phone app that tracks your location using your phone’s GPS.

On Monday May 14, 2012 Mr. Smith, his father and I went to see an MS specialist regarding his condition and received bad news regarding how far his condition had progressed. Prior to this appointment he had a Psychologist appointment, in which he claimed to be perfectly fine mentally. I however was concerned because he had once told me that he would kill himself if he ever had a debilitating disease. As soon as we got home that day, I hid his guns until I could make arrangements to get them out of the house.

On May 19, 2012, Mr. Smith had taking his sleeping medication (Ambien). We were talking about his medical condition and our daughter. He broke down in tears for the first time ever. He then threatened to leave the house and just go. He mentioned committing a crime so that he would have a place to stay, food, and medical attention. I told him that he if he left this house, I would call 911 immediately. I made him get back into bed and then hid all of the vehicle keys in the house.

Mr. Smith’s sister Ann asked if she could keep Patience while I was moving out of the house. I told her I would have to ask Mr. Smith because it was his last night in the house with his child and he might want to keep that time. When I asked Mr. Smith he said he did not care. Ann picked the baby up on Friday May 25, 2012 around 5:30 p.m. When they left, Mr. Smith told Patience, “See ya kid, call me when you’re 35.”

On Saturday May 26, 2012, I was moving out of the house, at the request of my brother; Mr. Smith was not to be there while we were moving. Mr. Smith got up and asked about his guns, I had never gotten them out of the house. I asked Mr. Smith what he wanted with the guns and he said, “I’ll take them to my grandfather’s today.”

After, I moved everything of mine and Patience out of the house, I stopped by to grab a load of laundry that I had in the dryer. Mr. Smith was sitting in a chair looking miserable. I asked him what was wrong and he said he just didn’t feel good. He had me feel his throat, one of his lymph nodes were swollen. I told him to go to the community clinic. He said no, I will be okay. He also informed me that he got a ticket for not having a seatbelt on when he left Wendy’s. He told the officer that his condition has made it difficult to manipulate the seat belt.” The officer asked why he was still driving, he said because no one has told me I couldn’t. He also told me that he had not taken the guns to his grandfather’s. I left the house and on my way to daycare to pick up Patience, I called his father to tell him that Mr. Smith was sick and had his guns. I never got in touch with him, we played phone tag.

On Sunday May 27, Mr. Smith posted on his Facebook that he was on his way to the community clinic. They gave him some antibiotics and sent him on his way. I called later that evening to check on him, we had a short conversation and he never asked about Patience. Mr. Smiths’s grandmother called me to find out what was going on in the family and she and I talked for quite a bit about his mental health, physical health and his in ability to take care of our child. I then spoke to his grandfather about the guns and he was going to try to get in touch with Mr. Smith about the guns.

Patience and I moved into my mothers. Mr. Smith moved in with his mother and her boyfriend. This was a tumultuous living arrangement and did not last long. The relationships between the three of them were all to tense to live together. On June 10, 2012, there was a huge argument at that house and Mr. Smith came to visit us at my mother’s house. This was the first time we had seen each other since moving and we had rarely spoken. The visit consisted of him telling my mother and me all about how horrible his living situation was. He then informed me that he no longer wanted Patience around his mother. I consented to his wishes. During this visit, Mr. Smith did notice a miraculous thing about our daughter. She wasn’t crying while not being held. In just the short time we had been gone her behavior had changed drastically.

Mr. Smith moved into a shelter for the homeless who had substance abuse or mental health issues. He was unsure if he was going to be able to stay there because he did not fall into those categories but he had nowhere else to go. Patience and I visited Mr. Smith on father’s day at the shelter. The visit lasted about two hours. There was nowhere private for us to go and nowhere for Patience to play. Patience was sick with a virus for several days after that visit.

I confronted Mr. Smith with my fear that the center was not a safe place for our daughter to visit. He told me that my concern stemmed from experience I had when I was under four and visiting my own father at a hospital.

On June 28, 2012 Mr. Smith sent me a message on Facebook that said, “Goodnight beautiful.” I replied that he could no longer say those kinds of things to me. This led to a phone call in which I asked Mr. Smith to remove me from being his power of attorney and anything else that did not involve our daughter. Mr. Smith accused me of wanting him to be just a check to our daughter and the discussion quickly went downhill. This conversation ended so badly that I decided my feelings would interfere with any time Mr. Smith spent with our daughter. I asked Mr. Smith’s close friend, Paula, to supervise the visits until we could get to a better place.

Mr. Smith next saw Patience on July 14, 2012. This visit was supervised by Paula at the center. It was supposed to last three hours but only lasted an hour and a half. Mr. Smith brought Patience out to my car and said that she was getting fussy and it “was time for her to go.”

On July 24, 2012, Mr. Smith asked to see Patience again. I told him that I would like to discuss some things with him first and we made arrangements to meet on the evening of July 26, 2012. Instead Mr. Smith showed up at my place of work and asked if we could talk while there. I took my lunch break and we went to the vending area at the college that has tables. I had wanted to talk about the problems with Patience visiting the shelter, my concerns about him all together and what his plans were for the future. The conversation ended up being an argument. Mr. Smith threatened to try to have me arrested for kidnapping even though we both know that I had every right to take our child. When Mr. Smith said that, all I could think about was that if he were successful in that threat: what would he do with our child? I told Mr. Smith that if he wanted to see Patience, he would need to get a court order.

Ever since that day, I have constantly worried about the safety of Patience. I do not leave her with anyone, including my mother because I worry that Mr. Smith will try to take her. I have nightmares about him killing us. I truly fear for our daughter’s safety. Mr. Smith is not able to provide for our daughter if she were in his care. He has no home for her. I have concerns regarding his physical ability to take care of her. I know that he is not mentally able to care for a toddler. Mr. Smith is a threat to Patience’s physical and emotional well-being.

Any advice for the e-mails writer to help protect her and her child?

Ask BB: How to handle ‘accidental’ touching

mailbag

We received the following e-mail not too long ago from someone who is concerned about inappropriate contact with a child. Some details of the e-mail have been changed to protect identities.

Hi, I know none of you are lawyers, but I need some opinions on what to do for a situation involving a 8-year-old girl.

She has told me that her father, when tickling her, has “accidentally” touched her breasts and “thinks it’s funny.” She claims that she’s not uncomfortable with this and knows it’s accidental.

I have given her a book about child sexual abuse which she has read. I also will be seeing her today, and I intend on trying to instill the concept of setting boundaries (though it’s not her fault he’s doing this). I am unsure whether I should also talk to him (this might cause him to prohibit me from seeing her, as he is very sensitive to any criticisms on his parenting) or just call CPS or police (I have done this several times and they always fail to do very much).

As usual, even though the reader mentioned it, I have to preface this by saying that we are not legal experts here at BB and following any advice given is at your own risk.

Before I can personally give my opinion I would need to know how often this ‘touching’ is happening. It is a common occurrence or just a once in a while thing? If it is in fact inappropriate touching and CPS and the police are unwilling to act I would definitely recommend seeking the service of an attorney to see how things can be handled from that point on.

And as usual Breeder Readers, what do you have to say?

Ask BB: Just A Dad who needs help

Again I apologize in being so late to post this. Hopefully it’s not too late but we received the following e-mail asking advice on what to do about his son and the birth organism…

I am currently fighting for custody of my son against a mother who has been reported more than 10 times in the last few years for child neglect and abuse. She has 3 children 2 by a previous relationship and my son who is only 2 1/2. According to CPS reports the school has called CPS because her older son comes to school stinky, dirty, in girls clothes, hungry, and jumping on other children humping them and making sexual noises. Neighbors have talked to CPS and advised the son breaks into their homes and steals food, begs them to feed him, runs away from home and hides in their closets, and the latest that one of the numerous men living in the home touches him in his private area. My ex was given timesharing 50/50 and out of 11 visits with mom was taken either to his pediatrician or the ER 9 times. I have shown proof of her neglect, I have witnesses willing to testify, and I have Domestic Violence reports to prove her boyfriend(the latest of many) beats women and is a raging time bomb.

My son has to have surgery now on his head due to a hematoma caused by blunt trauma to his head on visit number 2 by visit number 3 I had to rush him to the ER with a black eye, a belt strap bruise to his upper left arm, severe bruising and was treated as if I had just abused my son. Well so far CPS has failed they opened the cases but couldn’t keep up with her since she has moved 6 times in 6 weeks and then a judge saw fit to give her only supervised visits with a DV injunction on behalf of my son so CPS saw fit not to chase her any longer and close the case with no indicators because they say they no longer feared for his safety because mom wasn’t alone with him any longer. Well now the DVI has expired and with the CPS report being closed with no indicators the same judge has now agreed until custody can be decided that my son should now go back to 50/50 timesharing with mom now out of state(she ran) for 2 weeks a month. I feel for every child that you are reporting about, but please help me do something for my son before he becomes one of your stories. Please if anyone can help me I am watching and will do whatever it takes to protect my son…. Just a Dad looking for help

Again I have to preface this by saying that we are not legal experts here at BB and following any advice given is at your own risk.

I would definitely recommend documenting every scratch and bruise that he show’s up to your home with and get copies of all his medical records. Those go a long way in legal battles.

What about you Breeder Readers? Do you have any advice for this dad?

Ask BB: Child ‘modeling’?

This is the first thing I think of when I hear ‘child modeling’. And yes I do know the Ramseys were cleared.

I got the following e-mail the other day and I meant to post this as soon as I got it however some things in my own life made that virtually impossible. Normally I ask the e-mail writers for their permission before posting an e-mail but I thought that would take too long. I just hope I’m not too late. Anyway…

My eight-year-old daughter, who lives with her dad, told me that her dad is supposedly getting her into modeling. She said that she is starting her modeling job very soon…for which she will, according to her, be earning $500 a day. Incidentally, her uncle & his girlfriend, who have been paying the rent up to this time (her dad is currently unemployed) are moving out soon, & apparently HALF of her “modeling earnings” are going to be used so they can pay the rent. First of all, what kind of modeling is this that she will be getting $500 a day, & secondly, what gives him the right to take HER money to cover what are really HIS adult responsibilities? I don’t know what to do…ask him about it (he’ll probably deny it even if it is true), call CPS and/or the cops (will they do anything at all?…is he doing anything illegal or abusive by law, or just morally wrong?)

Again I have to preface this by saying that we are not legal experts here at BB and following any advice given is at your own risk.

Whenever I hear anything about modeling for someone who is under the age of 18 I automatically get suspicious. I would ask the father all sorts of questions like what’s the name of the modeling agency? What is their phone number? Who is the person you’re in contact with there? Then I would check them out with the Better Business Bureau. I don’t know what the custody situation is your situation however if you have any say in the matter I would have her pulled out immediately if any red flags present themselves. If that involves calling the cops or CPS so be it. Not only is it extremely rare for children to actually become successful models but there are too many predators out there who use modeling as a way to get to their victims.

As far as I’m concerned nothing good can come from child modeling.

As far as the money thing goes if he has custody rights I believe he can do what he wants with the money. You may want to double-check with a lawyer on that.

What say you Breeder Readers?

Ask BB: Should I sign over guardianship?

We recently received the following e-mail from a reader on what would be the best step for her child.

I know this site is a blog site, I started reading the site when I found it bored one day and reading a few horror stories about children in dryers and stumbled onto this site. Stories here absolutely horrified me and when I found out I was pregnant I had vowed to be an excellent mother.

I am a cycle breaker my father was an abuser verbally saying and calling me everything in the abuser’s handbook, physical my memory I remember the most was when I was two I was strangled and lived, and sexually assaulted by not only my father but by a close friend of the family. My mother the neglectful worker, left me in the care of people who had questionable motives and still talks to my father to this day. Growing up moving from house to house and a few times to different states only to return to my home state doesn’t make a very stable life for a growing child. Just trying to get by. From state assistance to almost begging off the side of the street to finally landing in my grandparents home where I grew up.

I never did any drugs, I only drank at my rite of passage as a new 21 year old, and yada. My biggest mistake not graduating high school it is held against me. I am now struggling at the end to not give in to my boyfriend’s parent’s demands and sign guardianship over to them a temporary thing till I can get key binding things in life to support. I don’t want to do it but as best interests go for my son this temporary offer may be a forced thing against my wishes. I’m not a bad breeder, I swear I’d turn myself into this site and let myself be a permanent disgrace. I make sure my son is clean, fed, and happy I don’t have great financial support but I make sure he’s cared for. The only reason I can’t take him with me is threats of CPS called the moment I take him with me to another place that has questionable means but any move isn’t grand. I’m literally hours away from signing anything and I’m hoping that there is a chance someone has any information for me.

My baby’s father is really a great guy nothing like what we read here. He is in his life and helped amazingly after the birth. I had the options before he was really considered to be kept to abort but I chose to keep him I am pro-life and proud of it. I had the option to give him up for adoption… the moment my son was born I chose to keep him… even after having lots of scares he would’ve been premature or small for date he came out beautiful at 7 pounds 12 ounces. He was a good induced labor, induced at 10:30 am on March 27th 2011 was born 3:49pm. Almost parallel to my own birth time which was 3:43pm.

But I know this site has some things on young mothers specially struggling to support their child ones. but I am honestly trying to do my best for my child. I’ve broken my own abused cycle to ensure he will have a great life the moment he was conceived and I found out I know it is never about me anymore everything I do is for my son.

I really hope I can get help somehow and be able to keep my son. The only reason I can’t take him with me is my bf’s parents dislike my own mother. but it is his parents that are evicting me out and now trying to keep my son… in what I feel is unfair intent. I have a great support net my mom is willing to provide and I have this feeling now that my rights as a mother are being trampled under the “what is best for the child” saying.

I have the means to care for my son, I even have a job lined up… what can I do to protect myself in short time?

Any thought Breeder Readers?

As always Bad Breeders takes no responsibility for any actions resulting in following or not following the commenters’ advice.

Ask BB: A CPS failure in Texas?

Disclaimer: Bad Breeders and its staff can not claim any veracity to the following e-mail and we take no responsibility for the advice followed or not followed that is given by the commenters.

We received the following e-mail from a great-grandparent in Texas who says they are having some horrible issues with CPS in Texas.

my five year old great grandson is in mortal danger. sexually abused for a year after cps was notified of sexual abuse and found nothing wrong. abuser,step grandfather, convicted prior to the abuse for meth manufacturing and use and went to prison for the second time for dwis and is now out again as of approx. ten days ago. i have had the child for the past two and a half years but the child has been taken back to the home where the abuser resides with my daughter, the grandmother. the mother of the child, my granddaugher, has been used and abused herself by this monster and my daughter. she has a bad heart but was kicked out at 14 while the abuser was in prison the first time. she was preg at 16 and allowed back in the house with the birth of the child. because of an 8 month custody battle with the childs father. then she was kicked out again when that was over and the child stayed with the abuser and my daughter. the abuser wanted him. he was on methadone and unable to perform sexually with my daughter. he took special interest in the child from the first. making it a point to babysit and to bath him everyday. taking baths with the child/baby.

at two 1/2 years old the child, who i babysat during the day, began telling me pappy peed in my mouth, put his pee pee in my butt, the child spit in his hand and wiped in on his butt saying pappy does this. the child tried to put things in his butt etc etc. said the abuser told him he, the abuser, was a fagot f****r and that he, the child, was a fagot. cps was notified, images of a the childs damaged anus, cigarette burn in his ear, and carpet burns on his forehead were send to cps. they visited with the child for 30 minutes and found nothing wrong. my daughter worked with the sheriffs department for five years prior to her then husbands first conviction, second meth manufacturing bust, which caused her to be fired from the sheriffs department. she knew all those people in cps and and the abuser both called me crazy and cps believed them. the child has problems now, who wouldn’t. he has been told he is a liar by those who ought to be protecting him. the abuser is one of those men who is poor me all the time, a smart one too. i am crazy all right but he is the devil incarnate. my daughter is blind and ignorant and i believe she really believes this child is a liar. a two and a half year old, a liar about sexual abuse? my daughter, the grandmother, lived with a man ten years younger for the past two years, kicked him out three weeks ago so the abuser could come back home. my granddaughter who will do anything to have the love and support of her mother, which she has never had, took the child to her mothers to live. now the abuser has access and opportunity to silence the child for good and he is capable of it. i am afraid for my five year old great grandson’s life now. they, my family including another daughter, all hate me, i am crazy for bringing this horrible stuff into their lives. the abuser has them all fooled. i have notes taken during the year following the initial report to cps where this child told me what pappy was doing to him. holding his head under water,, holding a knife to his head, telling him he would cut his head off if he told. torturing him, cigarette burn in the ear, carpet burns from sexual positions. back and forehead. i reported to cps after a year of this and sent these notes and images to them. they did nothing. the abusers probation officer told him, well i guess you better stay away from him and he did. he was busted again for dwis and has been in prison for the past year and a half. he is out now and has the child at his disposal. i have reported the child’s move to the abusers home and the real possibility of the child’s life being in danger to cps as of yesterday. i don’t expect them to do a thing, they know they screwed up the first time and are covering their butts now. i need help to save him. what can i do? cps listens to the abuser and my family, i am crazy to them.

can you help in anyway? this child is so precious and i need help to make this right for him.

Any thoughts Breeder Readers?

Ask BB: A German reader needs help

It’s not often that we get e-mail from Europe that doesn’t involve the UK. However M. is from Germany and has an extreme situation that she hopes someone can help her with.

As always I do have to preface this by saying that Bad Breeders is not responsible for any resulting actions and any advice taken is at your own risk.

Here is the e-mail from M.

Dear BB Readers,
I´d like to share our story with you, hoping for advice, as I don´t know what to do any more! At the moment it feels like whatever I´m gonna do, it´ll be wrong.
We live in Germany, where I think that offenders have more rights and protection than the victims. Because of the laws I am not allowed to tell any full names or post pictures, apart from that, criminal proceedings (trial) have not started yet, we might wait a year or more.

As I could by now write a book, I´ll try to only write the most important things – feel free to ask in the comments, if you want to know more.

My personal nightmare began the first weekend in August…..
I had been separated from my little 3 year old sons father since pregnancy for good reasons – but until then had let my son H. stay at his fathers place every other weekend. Up to then, I had thought it to be very important for H. to have his dad K. in his life and I had the impression that K. loved his son and only hated me…. For my son´s welfare I even invited K. and his family for christmas, H.`s birthday and so on.
Sometimes I had a “strange” feeling, as H. often didn´t want to go to his dad´s place and complained about a stomach ache before and after.
As he never said anything more when I asked and his dad always said they had a great time, I considered it to be the change between two towns and households. I was SO WRONG as it has turned out.
I feel terrible about not noticing earlier, on the other hand noone would have believed me earlier on…

Back to the first weekend in August: K. picked H. up at the Kindergarten Friday afternoon and brought him back to my house on Sunday evening.
Usually, K. would bring H. inside and tell me what they had done during the weekend. This time, he just dropped H.s bag on a garden chair on my porch and called “I´m gone” – left immediately. H. came towards me crying badly and I embraced him and picked him up, asking him what happened.
“Daddy is bad” he said.
“What do you mean”, I asked, “why is he bad?”
“He hit me” my little boy replied sobbing…..

H. had greenish marks on his forehead, a read eye, abrasions on his cheek, a blue mark on his nose….
I was totally shocked, I can´t even describe what I felt!
He smelled badly, so I undressed him. He had dried feces on his bottom and down his legs….many more greenish marks and a strange red mark to his stomach. Before giving him a bath, I quickly took pictures with my cell phone. My camera was upstairs and not charged, so of course I didn´t leave my son to wait. Later, I was going to be told the cellphone pictures are not good enough (quality)…….

After the bath, I called K. to ask him what happened – still hoping for honest answers.
Me: “What happened to H., he´s bruised all over?”
K.: “Nothing”
Me: “Well, something must have happened, he´s bruised!”
K.: “He´s got no bruises, you can tell that shit to somebody else” He hung up…..

After that, I was sure something bad had happened. I was so shocked and staggered! How could one hurt a little child, a toddler????
H. has never ever gotten slapped in my home, I´m totally against any kind of physical punishment. Up to then, I thought K. shared my opinion.

I took H. to the doctors, the poor little guy had to undergo CT/exray (brain, eyes, intestines) under general anasthetic. Luckily, there were no internal bleedings. H. told the doctors that his dad had hit him so hard, he fell to the ground and against a wall!!!!
Doctors said the bruises are “suspicios” but it can´t be definitely said that it was abuse. The location of the bruises (abrasions and haemoraghes) says, there must have been several accidents, if there were accidents (both sides front and back of body).

But it was to become worse!!!!!!!!!!!!!! H. started telling me about dad “pinching his penis”, “putting a tube inside his penis” “peeing on him” and tellling about dad “doing this” showing a masturbating movement. I feel so terrible and sick about this, how would a 3-year old come to telling this? I totally believe him! To me, there is no reasonable other explanation to these statements than my little boy going through hell at his fathers where I believed him to be loved and safe!!!!!
Imagine this – I stayed single all the time, not wanting a stranger around my little son…..and then I find out, that his own father has harmed him terribly!
Since that weekend (up to now) my son has big behaviour problems:
– Needs diapers again (he didn´t need them any more before….)
– Refuses to use the toilet, doesn´t even sit on it any more (panic)
– Doesn´t sleep in his bed, stays with me all night, has bad nightmares, is afraid “of dad” and that he would come and take him to his place, awakens several times a night
– Eats very little
– Is afraid of crowds and strange buildings (like restaurants and stuff)
– Often has stomach ache
– Doesn´t take part in Kindergarten – activities and rules
– Suddenly hits and kicks our dogs (he never did that, the dogs love him and he loved them!)
– Tells me every day, that he feels sad, is actually depressed!

After that, I contacted child welfare services myself and went to the police to have K. charged. The questioning at the police later filled 100 typed pages, so you can guess I´m cutting it short here….
Apart from that, I applied for full costody at the family court.

So, by now there is family court trial going on and I´m waiting for criminal proceedings trial. I´ve got two specialized lawyers, luckily I´ve got a good job to pay all of that!

If you google “German Jugendamt” you will find out, that they either do nothing at all (to help children) or in other cases overreact and take children into foster care because of rumours…..it´s a nightmare.
Well, as you can guess, in my case they did nothing. I called there every day to ask for help, as H.s father demanded to pick him up again and it would have been his right by law! (He could have fetched him with police)
I got a restraining order with my lawyer, child welfare didn´t help me.
Unfortunately, K. knows all the Jugendamt-people due to his job, he works with kids in foster care and in institutions………bad luck, they seem to believe him! I hope the police will investigate if anything went strange with his contact to those children…..

At least police started investigating, I know that by now some people have been questioned and there was a house search at K.s place. Let´s see, what results there will be….

There was one Family-Court session allready, it was terrible:
– K. and his lawyer first stated that I hurt H, not K. But as H. was picked up from Kindergarten and they stated they had turned a perfectly healthy child to K., they had to change their statements….
– Next, they wanted to see the pictures and the lawyer stated he could see nothing but mosquito-bites on the pics. I don´t know what huge mosquitos live in his place, I´ve never seen such….. I was close to offering him a wipe for his glasses…..really fought to stay calm!
– The next thing was, that they tried to make me look insane – they stated that I´ve got Borderline, Narcisstic personality disorder and bipolar disorder! And they said that I must have told H. to believe his father has harmed him!
Of course I´m totally sane and healthy, so I said they could question my doctors and that I´ve never had such diagnosis. The only thing I ever had was burnout many years ago during master-exam at university while having to work 30 hours a week! No more, no less.

Still, court decided to decide custody later on (next year) and first give supervised visits at the Jugendamt for K.!!!! My poor little boy has to see his father there every other week for an hour. During the visit he seems quite “normal” but after that in the evening he really freaks out and doesn´t sleep all night due to panic and fear. Maybe he doesn´t dare to say anything in front of his father? It´s terrible!!!!
Apart from that, court has ordered there has to be consultancy/ psychological expert report done. Guess who has been questioned by now????

Me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I had to go to this psychologist already and was questioned 3 hours, 3 more are to come on wednesday. Later the psychologist will talk to K. too and come and visit H., after that there will be a videotaped questioning of my son.
I´m not allowed to get psychological help for H. (which I think he badly needs) as it is said to falsen his later questioning.

The Jugendamt-lady, which I called to tell her my concerns about the supervised visits (due to H.s reactions afterwards) said it could be because he then realizes he misses his father. Yeah, sure…..

At the time being, noone cares about my little boy, noone helps him and I fight and fight but don´t see any success.
Instead, I now have to prove my sanity and that I haven´t made H. make the accusations up. It´s so terrible!
If I don´t get them to believe us H. will have to stay the weekends at his fathers again! They can pressure me, as if I refuse they can withdraw custody from me or even send me to prison for wanting to protect my baby!!! But of course, the offender is free to do what he wants.
Even if trial will end in sentence, K. is likely to stay free as he has no previous convictions. Crazy world, huh?

My feeling is, that whatever I do, it´s wrong!
If I fight and struggle, I´m crazy…..
If I force myself to stay calm they will say that it´s all made up and I´m not emotionally involved
If I seek psychological help for H. it will be a mistrial and I´ll have to turn my little precious boy to his father again.
If I do as I´m told and wait, H. will continue to suffer……I can hardly bear that!
I feel that I´m at the time punished for protecting and taking care of my child!
Which judge cares about H.s feelings? Why does noone take a little kid serious?

I have the fear that in the end I will be imprisoned for not turning over H. to his father. Whatever court will decide, I can NOT possibly send H. to his father again! That would be betrayal and child abuse to me!!! As explained, if court decides this I will have to or end up in jail!

I´m so desperate, I can´t even find words to tell you how I feel and how much I suffer watching my child suffer and fall apart!
I give him all the love, attention and support one possibly can – but when he wants me to promise him that he´ll never have to visit his father any more I have to lie to him or frighten him. What is worse?

What would you do?

Or am I crazy to believe a three year old? He only has me to protect him, why do people react as if this where wrong!?
I´ve never understood why some mothers sit by and do nothing to help their kids…..I am a strong and independant person (don´t need help making a living) and still this takes more strength than anything I have ever experienced! A friend of mine said that she could imagine many women give up after calling child support 20 times and not getting any help but rude comments….. So by now, I think it´s part of the problem – not getting help quickly but feeling all alone and treated worse than the offender!

I hope you were able to understand my english – I´m not very concentrated as I haven´t slept much for months by now, take care of my desperate child full term (no “free” time at home) and work a lot, to get the bills payed…… As soon as my little guy is around I try to give him a good time and not let him see how sad and desperate I am – it would worry him even more. It´s hard to get myself into a cheerful, optimistic mood for him when I actually often feel like crying. But I manage. To me, it´s the most important thing to help H. get over his bad experiences and give him joy – for my baby I would do anything – even if it´s going through hell. If I could take all his pain from him, I would immediately do so. I´m ready to fight on, no matter how hard it´s gonna be.
I´m glad to have great friends and family who support me – still they have no advice any more and are shocked themselfes.

If anyone out there has ideas what to do at the moment – I´m greatful for any advice or encouragement!
I wish I lived in the US, at least K. would have been charged by now or am I wrong?

Little H. and I are going to meet friends at the indoor-playground today, I hope it´ll turn out well and H. will have a great time playing. It´s unpredictable – maybe he will have a great time playing with his little friends – maybe he will suddenly be scared to death out of nothing explainable and we have to drive home. We´ll see. Whish us luck…. Staying at home from the start is no option, as he is worried all the time, that his father could suddenly arrive to pick him up….

Considering the guy called H.s father, I´ll spare you the details about what I´d like to happen to him…..it´ll end up swearing and cursing….I guess you all can imagine what I feel about this bastard.

Greetings from Germany, M.

Ask the readers: Breeder commandeered child with no custody agreement in place

We have another request for advice and assistance from on of our readers. This time about a Breeder who has allegedly taken it upon herself to make her own custody agreement where none existed before.

i have a very good friend who has a 4-year-old son with his ex-girlfriend. For a long while, they have been separated, but recently she moved in with he and his brother with her 1-year-old daughter from another relationship. My friend has seen things however since her moving in that he doesn’t like.

First, she neglects both children while playing Farmville all day on Facebook. When she does give the two children attention it is only to yell at them. She yells and calls her one year old names when she cries. Her actions have never been physical though. She has never hit them or left marks from what he has observed both co-inhabiting and also when living separately.

last week, (Trench’s note–I was backed up with posts so it’s my fault it has taken this long to get posted) she took their son away from my friend against the 4-year-old’s will. While doing so she tried to run my friend over while leaving, and took off to God knows where. My friend called the police and they told him they couldn’t do anything even though she is driving without a license or insurance. They also cannot do anything because there is no custody agreement between the two of them at all. It had been working out for a while, but in the last two years she has been leaving their son with my friend for longer than was planned, or when it is her time to have him for a week or more, she asks my friend to take him, and then leaves him there until it’s my friend’s turn to have him. It went from being 50/50 to 95/5 in a matter of about 9 months since they made the agreement.

The father of her 1-year-old daughter wants custody as well, but they are unsure of where to start or what to do now. The police won’t help, and my friend has a past history of drug use and a suicide attempt, but that was 8 or 9 years ago, and he is clean and sober now. Always has been. He’s afraid of his past coming to bite him in the ass if he goes after her for anything, and he’s also afraid of a judge not awarding him custody even though the egg donor is not a fit mother. Please, any help that can be given or advice would be appreciated. He is so lost, as is the other father. We all want to see him get the custody they deserve because they actually act and do things like parents. They’d rather have her only get supervised visitations. If it helps, we all live in the state of Michigan. Thanks.

After I asked for permission to post the e-mail I received more information about the situation. This e-mail was from this past Saturday.

Also, I’d like to add, she recently struck the 4 year old across the face so hard he landed on his butt. Cops were called, and they said a report wouldn’t be made since no mark was left. They didn’t even advise my friend to call CPS. I hate the system.

Again we are not legal experts, advice is taken at your own risk, your mileage may vary etc.

I know we have some Michiganders here that hopefully can help. But you don’t have to be from Michigan if you think you can offer some advice.

Ask the readers: How to save a molested child

One of the things that makes me realize that we’re doing something positive is that some people come to us for advice on how to save a child from a harmful situation. The thing is we’re only a bunch of everyday folk who care about children and not legal experts.

Another thing that makes me realize we’re doing something good is that some of our readers have had experience in these situations and are more than willing to help. This is one of those time.

I received the following e-mail from a reader who needs help in trying to get two children out of an allegedly horrible situation.

I have a tip on two bad breeders……and the law is continuing to let them off with warnings. My step children have suffered countless years of abuse at the hands of their mother and step father. Thank God we have custody of them now…..but there are still two children in the home. One is a six-year-old little girl with down syndrome. My step daughter told me last Thursday, that when she was 5 her step father began raping her in her bottom.

Allegations of inappropriate behavior had been filed over a year ago when we got custody of her and her brother. Nothing ever came of it and she clammed up. Her revelation came about out of the constant fear that now this may be happening to her little sister and there is no one there to protect her. She said she had tried to tell her mother on two previous occasions, but she did not believe her so she stopped trying. The authorities say that even if they can get her an appointment to be interviewed if there is no physical evidence, then they will not file charges against him. What can be done? and Can you help? Please we are desperate. Thank you for your time.

We filed the report in [redacted] County Georgia Sheriff’s Department as well as it has been filed in the [redacted] County DFCS office. But I do not have faith in them either……it took filing reports for three years about the abuse the children would tell us they suffered at the hands of their mother and step father. We also supplied pictures of the bruises. Please help us, so we can help them heal and move forward.

As always I have to give the disclaimer that neither the readers, the writers of BB nor myself are legal experts and all advice taken is done so at your own risk.

So Breeder Readers, is there anything that can be done to help these children?

Ask the readers: Stepchildren being abused by Breeder

We received the following e-mail the other day from a reader looking for our assistance…

Just want to ask what do you do if you know your stepchildren are being abused by their mother and CPS in the county she lives in wont do anything, But CPS in our county advise she have no contact with the kids? My husband took custody of his children Christmas day last year due to abuse and neglect. His 5 yr old came home after spending Memorial weekend with her mother with huge bruises all over her legs and buttocks. I took her to the doctor for treatment of tick bites and the doc asked her what happened to her legs. She informed the doc that her mom squeezes and hits her legs then takes pics of the bruises. The doc called CPS and they along with law enforcement were at my home within 2 hours. The snag, the abuse happened in a neighboring county where she has family and close friends all over in the system. Our county like i said recomends no contact but her county asked her if she would be willing to give up her visitation until the case was investigated and she said no and they left it at that. Now tomorrow they have to go visit and the 5 yr old is now terrified and even wetting the bed now. Any help would be appreciated.

I asked the reader permission to post the e-mail and they said yes and sent this follow-up as well…

We had to send them last night to their mothers and my heart is just breaking. The 5 yr old clung to her daddy’s neck screaming “PLEASE DADDY DON’T MAKE ME GO. YOU PROMISED TO PROTECT ME”. The whole time her mother is telling her “knock your shit off, you know you are lying”.

Now, as always, neither I nor the staff here at BB, nor the readers or in any way legal experts. We claim no responsibility for the suggestions given.

Having said that, readers, what options do you think they have?

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